From Ana's Perspective
by Krooela
Summary: After 4 years of marriage, Christian does the unforgiveable...he cheats. Ana made it clear to him before they got married that cheating was a hard limit for her and she would not give him a second chance if it happened. This is a story of the aftermath of his cheating and the demise of their marriage. No HEA for C & A
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**

 **This is my first attempt at writing FF so please bear with me.**

 **WARNING: This is a short cheat story, and it is NOT and HEA for C & A.** **There is cheating, hurt, angst, and tragedy. If you don't like stories like this, then this isn't a story for you. You have been warned. If you want to give it a try, then by all means, please do and review.**

 **Special thanks to Debbie Hannon for your encouragement and also for letting me bounce my ideas off you as well as you sharing yours with me!**

 **I do not own FSoG**

 **Ana POV**

 **I am sitting at my desk trying to concentrate on the manuscript in front of me but my mind keeps wandering back to the incredible wake up sex I had this morning with my Greek God husband Christian. I thought that after 4 years of marriage our sex life would slow down or lose some if it fizzle, but in all actuality it has gotten better. Being married to Christian has been an adventure for sure. One I would gladly sign up for again and again. Our love gets stronger every day, and I can't imagine life without him beside me.  
Our marriage is no different than anyone else's...we have our ups and downs too. **

**About 6 months ago we went through a rough patch because we were both working long hours and not seeing each other as much as we wanted or needed to. Then a deal that Christian had been working on for months went south and he had to take a sudden trip to New York. He wanted me to go, but I had meetings all week that I couldn't cancel, so he had to go alone. He was gone for 4 days and when he came back he was a little distant and distracted, and when I tried talking to him he put it off as stress and us being apart for 4 days. That weekend we spent the entire time in the Red Room relieving him of his stress, and since then things have been back to normal. He has had to go back and forth to New York a few more times since, but they were only overnight trips-leaving early in the morning and coming back late the following evening.**

 **My PA buzzes me to me let me know that my 3:00 appointment is in the conference room, thus ending my X-rated daydreaming.  
I walk into the conference room and meet with a new author we just signed. She is in her mid-30s and self-published an E- book that has mild success.  
I reviewed the rough draft for her most recent story and thought it had potential, so after speaking with her on the phone a few times I decided to have her come in for a formal sit down and offer her a book deal. She was really excited and assured me that she would not have any problems meeting the deadlines outlined in the contract. As the meeting came to an end we agreed to meet again in 3 weeks to review her progress on the edits I suggested.**

 **When I got back to my desk my PA told me that Christian had called while in was in my meeting so I called him from my office, but it went straight to voice mail.  
I called Andrea and she informed me that Christian had to take an unscheduled trip to Portland and wouldn't be back until tomorrow afternoon. This was his third trip to Portland in the last 3 weeks. I wonder what deal he has going on down there that requires his presence so often. I will have to ask him tonight when he calls. Since I am now going home to an empty house tonight I decided to stay late and catch up on some work that I have been neglecting for the past few days.  
I called Sawyer about 730 and told him I was ready to leave. I texted Christian on the way home and he called few minutes later.  
"Hey baby...you worked late tonight. Anything special?  
"No. Just catching up on some manuscripts I'm behind on. Who did you meet with today?"  
"The Farming Division at WSU. They have a new project they want to start working on, and are trying to convince me to give them the funding so they can start their research next semester."  
"It must be a major project to get you down there 3 weeks in a row..." I mutter to myself...a little louder than I thought.  
"It's important, Ana. They are trying to develop a new technology to speed up crop production, which will result in more food being produced in poor countries" he explains, with a little irritation in his voice. "Look Ana, I have to go...I'm meeting them for dinner and drinks in a few minutes. I'll call you tomorrow afternoon when I get back." And with that he hangs up, before I can say anything.  
Well, that was abrupt.**

 **Sawyer pulls in the parking garage and lets me out by the elevator. I walk into our apartment and see that Gail has left dinner in the warmer for me, but after that phone call I decide on a glass of wine for dinner instead of food. I wake the next morning with a fuzzy head...one glass of wine for dinner turned into 3. Christian's shortness on the phone really irked me and I couldn't shake it, so I decided to drown my irritation with wine...not a smart thing to do on a work night. He's due back this afternoon and I will talk to him about it tonight after dinner.**

 **About noon I hear a knock on my office door and when I look up my handsome husband standing in my doorway with a bouquet of roses and a smile on his face.  
"Well this is a surprise…I wasn't expecting you back until later this afternoon" I say to him as I give him a quick kiss on the lips and take the flowers from him. Turning around to set them on my desk I hear Christian tell Hannah to hold my calls before closing and locking my door. He walks up behind me, pinning me against my desk and moves my hair to one while trailing kisses down my neck. I can feel the bulge in his pants as he grinds his hips into me while he slides his hands inside my blouse, squeezing my breasts. I moan out loud as I wiggle my ass against his growing erection. I can feel wetness building in between my thighs as Christian continues to pull on my hardened nipples and that familiar pull starts to build in my groin. "Christian" I moan as he lifts my skirt and slides his hand into my panties and slips 2 fingers inside me. "God I love how you're always so wet for me baby." he whispers in my ear.** **"Christian, please..." I beg. "What do you want, Ana?" He says as he slides his fingers in and out of my wet pussy and rubs his thumb on my swollen clit. "OMG don't stop Christian!" I cry into his neck as he continues his assault with his thumb and fingers and a few minutes later I am going over the edge.  
Christian covers my mouth with his to muffle my screams so my staff doesn't hear me having an orgasm.  
He pulls his hand out of my panties, tearing them off as he goes, pushes my skirt up around my waist and slaps my ass. Before I can catch my breath and come down from my orgasm he yanks his pants down far enough to release his cock and lines himself up with my wet folds. "You want this, baby?" I barely manage to mumble yes as he slams into me, causing another orgasm to start building. "Hold on baby this is going to be hard and fast!" He pounds into me like a madman and starts pinching my nipples hard and I feel my insides start to clench again, bringing me close to another orgasm. "You like this baby? You like me fucking you this hard?" Just hearing him say that pushes me over the edge again and I have my second orgasm in less than 3 minutes... Christian moans in my ear "Oh God baby I can feel you squeezing my cock! I'm gonna come!" He thrusts a few more times, then stills and I can feel his cock pulsing inside me, filling me with his hot seed. He collapses on top of me, panting, and it's all I can do to support his weight on top of me. He slowly pulls out of me and pulls his pants up, and I can feel the aftermath of our orgasms running down my legs. He grabs some tissues off my desk and cleans me up before turning me around and kissing me while he carries me over and sets me down on my couch. Finally after a few minutes I able to form a complete sentence "I'm not complaining, but what brought that on?" He just smiles and says "What-can't a man bend his incredibly hot wife over her desk and fuck her brains out every now and then?" With that we be both laughed and started talking about the WSU project. He has made up his mind to give them the grant money and has to fly down there one more time to sign off on the paperwork and hand over the check.**

 **When I'm able to stand I walk into my private bathroom and get a fresh pair of panties and fix myself so we can leave for lunch. I have learned to keep a few extra pair available as this is not an uncommon occurrence.  
I have nothing important on my schedule for the afternoon so I call Hannah and tell her I won't be back, and I have Taylor take me home after dropping Christian at GEH.  
When I get to Escala I find Gail in our bedroom unpacking Christian's overnight bag. I walk into the bathroom and accidently knock his shaving kit off the counter and everything spills onto the floor. As I bend down to pick everything up I see an opened box of condoms lying on the floor.**

 **I stare at the box of condoms, wondering why they are in his shaving kit. Christian still hasn't warmed up to the idea of having kids yet, so he insists on wearing condoms the week before and the week after I get my Depo shot, just to make sure it doesn't run out early and we have an unplanned pregnancy. Seeing them in his shaving kit really gnaws at me though.**

 **He comes home a few hours later and after dinner he tells me he is going to Portland again on Thursday to sign off on the grant for WSU. There is a celebration dinner/cocktail party afterwards so he will be staying overnight and will be back Friday afternoon-h** **e can't fly Charlie Tango if he has a drink with dinner. I told him I'm meeting with one of our best- selling authors Thursday afternoon so I can't make the trip with him. He tells me not to worry, that I can make it up to him in my office again, and I suggested getting Elliot to soundproof my office if this is going to become a regular thing.**

 **The week goes by pretty fast and it's already Thursday- Christian headed out to Portland earlier this morning. I've been on a conference call for the last hour and am grateful when it comes to an end-I am ready for a break. Hannah knocks and brings me a welcome cup of tea and a few messages  
My afternoon meeting has been cancelled because the author had an emergency come up and had leave for Portland very early this morning, but will be back in town tomorrow. I have an idea..."Hannah, call her and ask her if she can meet me in Portland at the Heathman later this afternoon, around 4:30." I can meet with her this afternoon, and then surprise Christian tonight.  
Hannah calls the author and she is able to meet, so since Sawyer is off for the next few days I call Reynolds to come pick me up. We swing by Escala so I can pack an overnight bag and we take off for Portland. I tell Reynolds not to tell Taylor or Christian about this trip, as I want to surprise Christian, and he agrees to keep it quiet.**

 **We arrive at the Heathman at 4:00 and since Christian and I are well known to the staff here there is no problem allowing me to check into Christian's room. He always reserves the Penthouse when he stays here, even if it's only for 1 night. I go up to the room to freshen up a bit before my meeting—Christian's bag is already in the room so Taylor must have brought it up earlier. I hide my bag in the back of closet so he doesn't see it if he gets back before I am done with my meeting. Hannah reserved a small conference room for me so I head downstairs to meet with my author.**

 **My meeting goes very well, and we finish up about 6:00 and I head upstairs to wait for Christian. After he escorts me to the Penthouse floor, I dismiss Reynolds for the rest of the night, telling him to meet me tomorrow afternoon at work, and that I would text him tomorrow what time he needs to be at my office. He has a girlfriend in Seattle so he doesn't hesitate to take the opportunity to spend the night with her, and gladly heads out for the evening**

 **I slide my door key in and walk into the room and set my purse on the table. I hear Christian's IPod playing and I can smell his scent so he must have come in while I was in my meeting. I pull my phone out and turn on the camera so I can video the surprised look on his face when he sees me. I hear noise coming from the bedroom so I walk over and quietly open the door; the scene in front of me is one I never imagined.  
Christian's pants are halfway down his thighs, and he is pounding into some whore who is blindfolded, on her knees with her hands tied to the headboard rails, and a spreader bar between her legs.  
"You like that baby? You like me fucking you this hard?" OMG the same thing he said to me in my office the other day...I can't believe what I am seeing. I slowly back out of the room without him hearing me, grab my purse and run to the elevator with tears running down my face. **

**I run outside and jump in a cab and mumble "Seattle" to the driver.  
He repeats Seattle to me and I nod my head because I was not able to talk. The entire ride back I thought about what just happened, and what I was going to do. We pull up to Escala about 930 and I pay the driver and numbly walk to the elevator. Just then my phone buzzes with a text from Christian...  
I open his text "Hey baby. I'm back from dinner. Call me."  
I'm shaking as I read his text...I don't know if I can talk to him right now. As the elevator doors open and I walk into the apartment I suddenly feel a wave of anger wash over me. How could he do this to me? How long has it been going on? Is she a sub, or is she more? And mostly, Why? I take a deep breath, calm my nerves, and call him. He picks up on the 2nd ring.  
"Hey baby. How was your day?"  
From the sound of his voice he has no clue I was there earlier. "It was educational. I learned a lot. I had a meeting with an author and found out some really interesting things afterwards."  
"You sound different. Are you OK? He asks, concerned.  
"I have a headache from hell. I think I'm just going to go to bed."  
"OK. I hope you feel better in the morning. We are leaving at 1:00 so I'll be back about 2:00. Why don't you stay home tomorrow and I'll come home as soon as we land."  
"That sounds like a good idea. I'll text Hannah that I'm not coming in. Goodnight Christian." I hung up and sat on the couch for a minute, getting my thoughts together. Hannah had already cleared my schedule for tomorrow so there was no need to text her.**

 **All the way home I thought about what I wanted to do. There is no way in hell that I will forgive him. I need to get out of here and away from him fast. I walk into our bedroom and pack a bag, enough to get me through at least a week, and then I go into his office to get my passport, our marriage license, and the deed to Grey Publishing out of the safe. In the back of the safe I saw the 15 sub files. I stare at them for a minute, and then decided they might come in handy so I take them out and make a copy of each one, including the photographs. I carefully put the files back so he wouldn't know they have been touched and close and lock the safe. Tomorrow morning, first thing I will call the best divorce attorney in Seattle, who just happens to be Kate's dad's attorney, and get the divorce ball rolling.**

 **I grab my suitcase and stuff all the paperwork in and walk to the elevator. Nobody is here since Taylor is with Christian, and Reynolds is with his girlfriend, so I call a cab and walk out of Escala, my home for the last 4 years.  
I have the cab driver take me to mine and Kate's old apartment...she still keeps it for when Ethan visits, and I still have my key. I guess this will be my new home for a while.**

 **I text her to see if she is still up and she answers right back. "What's up?" "Can you meet me at our old apartment? I need to talk. Please don't tell Elliot. No questions right now just come."  
"On my way."  
10 minutes later I hear her key in the door and when she sees me her face falls. "What's going on Steele?"  
I tell her what happened and she holds me and lets me cry it out without saying anything. When I can talk again she asks me what I want to do. "I want a divorce. I can't and won't forgive him. He knows how I feel about cheating, from what I went through with my mom and what she did to my dad. Can your dad call his attorney and get me an appointment first thing tomorrow?" Kate grabs her phone. "I'll call him right now."**

 **30 minutes later I am talking to her dad's attorney. I explained what just happened and what I want. He offered to come over tonight so we can get paperwork going so I can have Christian served tomorrow. I guess the Grey name can get things done fast. It's about 3:30 in the morning when my attorney finally leaves. He said he will have the papers done up in the morning and as soon as I sign them he will have Christian served. I don't want to go through the courts if I don't have to...I would prefer to keep this private. I didn't mention the video on my phone of Christian fucking his whore. I'll save that for the divorce and use it if I have to, along with the 15 insurance policies in my suitcase.  
Seeing how I never signed and NDA there is nothing Christian can do should I decide use the video or pictures to force his hand in the divorce. I don't want anything, I just want out.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**

 **Wow! What a response from all of you! 1076 views, 32 reviews, 27 favorites, and 90 Followers!** **Thank you so much for your support!**

 **I do not own FSoG**

Chapter 2

Ana POV

Kate stayed with me all night and called in at work the next day to stay and help me out with whatever I might need. She swore Elliot to secrecy when she left last night…all he knows is that we are at our old apartment, but he doesn't know why. I will definitely need to have some security upgrades done to the apartment, so this morning I finally broke down and told Elliot what was going on and asked him to help with the security. To say he was furious at Christian was an understatement. He wanted to drive to Portland and give him a good beating, but I begged him not to; I needed him and to stay here and secure the apartment for me. I had Kate run to the store and get us a couple of burn phones and laptops… I needed to be able to communicate with my lawyer and Kate without Christian having Welch track my every move, call, and text, and hack my emails as well. Kate and I both set up a new email accounts to which only she and I and my attorney have access.

Phillip, my attorney called me about 11:00 and he had the papers ready so he brought them over for me to sign; adultery was listed as the reason for divorce. All I wanted was Grey Publishing, since I had built it into what it is now, and my personal effects that were still in Escala. Since Christian had gifted Grey Publishing to me on our first anniversary Phillip said there was nothing he could do to prevent me from keeping it. We don't have a Pre-Nup, and even though I am entitled to half of everything of Christian's, I don't want anything —unlike all of his previous sub/whores, I was never with him for his wealth. My salary as CEO at Grey Publishing is more than enough to comfortably support me…I don't want or need the extravagant lifestyle anymore that I have lived for the last 4 years.

Phillip said he would have someone waiting in the garage at Escala to serve Christian when he arrived this afternoon. I told him Christian should be there between 2:15 and 2:30  
Christian texted me just before 1:00 that they were taking off, so I waited a few minutes and texted Reynolds that there was a change of plans, and that I was not feeling well and that Taylor was going to bring me home from Boeing Airfield, and for him to just go to Escala. He responded back that he was on his way there now.

My nerves are bouncing all over the place and I feel like I am going to throw up. In just a couple hours all hell is going to break loose. I asked Elliot to stay with me at the apartment because I know Christian will go thermonuclear when he receives the papers. I took the battery out of my Blackberry and laptop so he couldn't track it, but I know Christian's stalking abilities, and it will only be a matter of time before he finds out where I am. I was thinking about going to Montesano, but I didn't want to put my dad through the shit storm that is coming.  
Kate wanted to hide in the garage at Escala so she could watch the show, but I told her I would feel better if she stayed here with me…I know Christian's temper, and if he saw her I don't know what he would do to her.

Since my phone was turned off he wouldn't be able to call me, but in the divorce papers there is a "No Contact" clause that states that any requests for contact with me must go through my attorney, and if Christian attempts to contact me directly I can request a restraining order be issued to him. That's going to piss him off for sure.  
It's now 2:30...Christian should be home any time. Phillip's process server said he would text me as soon as the papers were served.  
10 minutes later my burn phone buzzes with a text: "Done."  
I look towards Escala and half expect to see a mushroom cloud in the sky...

About an hour later my burn phone rings and I see that it is Phillip. Here we go. "Hello Phillip. What do we know?" He chuckles first then "Well, your very angry husband has been screaming at me for the past 30 minutes and is demanding to speak with you and demanding that I tell him where you are. I suggested that he calm down so we could schedule a meeting at my office so you could discuss the divorce papers. He informed me that there would be no divorce...he made it perfectly clear that he will never sign the papers; that this is all a big misunderstanding."

 _How could tying up and fucking some whore be a misunderstanding?_ I wonder to myself…

"Are you ready to meet with him, or do you want to wait a few days?"  
"I think it would be best to put it off for a few days and give him a chance to calm down. How did he react to the No Contact clause?"  
"Not well. He informed me that nobody was going to keep him from seeing or talking to you. I believe he has his security guy tracking your whereabouts now. I informed him that if he shows up and threatens or tries to intimidate you in any way that we won't hesitate on filing a restraining order against him. Are you safe at Kate's apartment, or do you want me to send a car for you and get you a hotel room under my firms name?" I think for a minute "I'll be fine. I had the locks changed earlier and cameras and an alarm system is being installed as we speak. Kate and Elliot are here with me, and he won't dare try anything with his brother here."  
"OK. I will call him back and schedule a meeting at my office for Monday afternoon. That will give him a few days to calm down and talk to his lawyer. Is that OK with you?" "Yes. That will be fine…let me know what time to be there. Thank you for everything."

I hang up the phone, and then past 20 hours start to take their toll on me, because my body starts shaking and I start sobbing uncontrollably and crumble to the floor. Elliot picks me up in a big bear hug and sets me on the couch and holds me until I'm cried out.  
I make it thru Friday night without Christian barging in, and my body finally gives out and I finally go to bed about 10:00. Elliot sets the alarm system and he and Kate both stay the night with me just in case Christian shows up in the middle of the night. Elliot insisted on sleeping on the couch, just in case.

Sleep does not come easy and I wind up tossing and turning most of the night. I finally give up and get out if bed about 7 and stumble into the kitchen. Elliot is still asleep on the couch. There is no food in the house so I grab Kate's keys and head to the closest market to get a few things for breakfast. On the way home I notice a black SUV following me, so I assume Christian has already located me. Whoever it is parks across and down the street a bit but never gets out and approaches me. I'm sure a call or text message has been sent already. One of the few demands I put in the divorce papers was that security/surveillance on me was to end immediately. I explained to Phillip the constant security that follows us, and since we were divorcing I would no longer tolerate someone stalking me and reporting my every move to Christian. My life would be mine again, and he will have no part in it.

CPOV

As soon as Charlie Tango is secured I climb in the back of the SUV and turn on my Blackberry and wait for all the new text messages and emails to download as Taylor pulls out of Boeing Field. I see a text from Ana telling me to have a safe flight and that she is going to lie down for a while, and to wake her when I get home. I could swear that I could not only feel her presence but also I could smell her scent when in walked into my hotel room yesterday afternoon. The scent of her shampoo, body wash and lotion make up her unique "Ana scent" that I have come to love. I walked around the room to see if she was there but it must have just been my subconscious chewing at me.

The guilt I am feeling for what I have done to her is eating me up, and last night I ended the affair I began having 6 months ago. Taylor gave me his 2 weeks' notice this morning because of it, and I begged him to stay, promising him that I ended it for good last night. He found out about it during my last trip to Portland, and he did not hesitate to let me know how he felt about me. I offered him and Gail a huge pay raise after he agreed to stay on, but he refused it, making it perfectly clear that he and Gail could not be bought. Now all I can do is hope and pray that Ana never finds out. She made it perfectly clear before we got married that any form of cheating was a hard limit for her, and she wouldn't give me a 2nd chance if it happened. Her mom cheated on her dad, and not only broke up their family but broke her dad's heart. Ana never forgave her mom, and their relationship is strained at best-Ana didn't even want her at our wedding, but her dad intervened, and at the last minute Ana begrudgingly invited her. I can't even come up with a reason for starting the affair in the first place. _"Because you're 50 shades of fucked up, Grey"_ my subconscious snarls at me. I love Ana with all my heart, and it makes me sick to think that I have broken my wedding vows. I am going to have to keep this to myself and live with the guilt for the rest of my life because even if I confess it to Ana and beg her to forgive me, I know she will walk out and never come back. God, I'm a fucking idiot.

We pull into the garage at Escala and Taylor drops me at the elevator while he parks the SUV. Just as the doors to the elevator open I am approached by a man in a black suit "Excuse me sir, are you Christian Grey?" I look at him for a minute and then respond "Yes I am, who the fuck are you?" He hands me an envelope and says "You've been served" walks away, gets in his car and drives off _._

 _WTF? I have been served what?_

Just then Taylor comes running up, asking if I am alright, and I hand him the envelope. He opens the envelope, takes out the papers and a few seconds later I see the color drain from his face. "Sir, you have just been served with divorce papers..."

I just stared at Taylor, not comprehending what he was said. "What the fuck are you talking about? Divorce papers? Why the fuck is she serving me divorce papers?" I screamed at him.  
"Sir, according to the papers she has listed adultery as the reason for divorce." I just stared at him, and then all of a sudden it dawned on me..."That's why you gave me your notice this morning, you knew about this because you fucking told her, didn't you, you son of a bitch!" I lunged at him but he ducked and grabbed me, and before I knew it I was flat on my back with his foot on my throat making it very difficult for me to breathe. "Fuck you Grey! What you did disgusted me, but I would never tell Ana. I wouldn't want to be the one to crush that wonderful woman. This is 100% your fuck up. Fix your own fucking mess you piece of shit! I quit"  
I just stood there as he walked over to the elevator, stepped in and glared at me as the doors closed.

OMG what have I done- Divorce? No, this can't be happening! I can't live without Ana.  
She can't divorce me. I won't let her. How the fuck did she find out if Taylor didn't tell her?

I call for the elevator and step in; hoping that she is upstairs and we can talk about this. It takes forever for the elevator to get to the Penthouse, and when the doors open I rush into the great room yelling for her. When she doesn't answer I run to the bedroom looking for her, but she's not there so I run to the library, yelling her name. Just then Reynolds comes out and I ask him where Ana is. "I thought she was with you sir-didn't she fly back from Portland with you?" "She wasn't in Portland with me you idiot! Are you telling me you don't know where my wife is?" I screamed at him. "Sir I drove her to Portland yesterday afternoon at her request. Her afternoon meeting here was cancelled, but she was able to reschedule it at the Heathman at 4:30, so she had me drive her to your hotel so she could surprise you. At approximately 6:00 I walked her to your room and watched her enter,  
and then she dismissed me for the rest of the evening because she said she would be with you all night, and then fly back with you today. I was to meet her at her office this afternoon but she texted me a few hours ago that she was not feeling well and was coming straight home from Boeing Field, and for me to come here. I have not seen her since last night."

Holy shit, Ana WAS in my room...it WAS her scent that I kept smelling all night. 6:00? Holy fuck. Jennifer got to my room about 5:30 and we got right into it...Ana must have walked in and seen us when we were fucking. Shit! Shit!Shit!

I can't think straight. And I just accused Taylor of telling Ana. I run to the staff quarters and pound on the door. Taylor opens the door and I can see that both he and Gail are packing. He hands me 2 letters, which are their resignations and tells me to get out of the apartment. I plead with them to stay but he tells me to go to hell and slams the door in face.

I stand there stunned and then walk away. I have no clue where Ana is so I call Welch to track her phone and laptop. Both of her cars were still in the garage so she couldn't have left town. There is no way I can call my dad to look at the papers so I call my lawyer and demand that he come to Escala immediately. Welch calls back and tells me that Ana's phone and computer are off, and that she must have taken out the batteries because he can't track either one. He said he can check the history on them and see where they were used last, but it will take him a little while to do it. He said will get back with me as soon as he knows something. Fuck! I throw my phone across the room and it shatters into several pieces.

A few minutes later the elevator dings and my lawyer walks in. I hand him then divorce papers and he reads over them, then looks at me and very bluntly and asks "Well, did you?" I hang my head in shame, so he obviously has his answer. "There is a "No Contact" request here which means if you want to talk to her you must contact her attorney first, and he will make the arrangements for you or us to meet. If you try to contact her directly she can file a restraining order against you."  
WTF.  
I can't believe it-I can't contact her without going through her attorney? How am I supposed to fix this if I can't talk to her?  
This is not happening...  
"Mr. Grey I suggest allowing me to contact her attorney to request a meeting so you can discuss this with Mrs. Grey. Did you have any idea that she was planning this?"  
"No. I had no idea. From what I just found from my security she just found out about the affair last night." I can't believe she had this drawn up as fast as she did. I'm going to call her attorney and find out where she is and talk to her now.

I call him from my office phone, screaming at him demanding that he tell me where she is but he wouldn't tell me anything. He said he would contact her and get back with me with a date and time to meet. He suggested that I bring my attorney with me. He also reminded me of the No Contact clause and the consequences if I ignored it.

When he hung up on me cleared everything off my desk and started throwing everything against the wall that wasn't bolted down.  
Reynolds came running in but I screamed at him to get the fuck out. I grabbed a bottle of scotch and started drinking directly from the bottle.  
An hour later Reynolds came back in and informed me that Taylor and Gail had left. He handed me their keys and security badges and left me in my now destroyed office.  
What the hell have I done?


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**

 **Thank you for all your wonderful comments and reviews...I am beyond shocked at the response I have received for this story, and I very much appreciate everyone's support.**

 **This chapter and the next one will be shorter than the first 2-I am having to take an unexpected trip to California tomorrow for my new job and I ran out of time this week to write.**

 **I do not own FSoG**

Ana POV

After breakfast Kate has to leave and go pick up their 2 year old daughter Ava. Elliot dropped her off with Kate's mom on his way over here yesterday morning and she's been there since. Ava is the reason Christian insists on using condoms before and after my shot...Kate's shot ran out early, and Ava was the result. Although she was unplanned, she is definitely not unwanted. Kate and Elliot dote on her, and are talking about having another baby in the very near future.  
Christian panicked when he found out that shots can run out early, so because of Ava he now makes me get my shot 2 weeks before it's due, just in case...

"So Anabanana...what are your plans today? You are welcome to come hang out with us if you want" Elliot asks.

"I haven't thought that far out Elliot. I don't even have a car right now. I guess I need to go rent one so I don't have to keep taking cabs or relying on you guys to take me places." Elliot looked at me "Ana I will go get your one of your cars from Escala. I'll call one of my guys to come get me and take me over there—that way you won't have to see Christian." I think about it for minute-Christian already has someone following me so it doesn't really matter if he tracks my car. "Yes, that would work… Are you sure you don't mind?" He smiled at me" It's no problem Ana. I'll be glad to. Which one do you want?" I reach up and hug him, "Thank you Elliot. Grab the R8 if you can. I am so sorry for putting you in this position. I don't want to cause problems between you and your brother." He kisses my cheek and says "don't worry about it little lady... I'm glad I can be here for you. You're my little sister too." He calls one of his guys and then heads outside to wait for him. I told myself last night after I broke down in front of Elliot that I would never do that again. I refuse to let Christian see me as weak or vulnerable. I will be strong. He's going to be in for one hell of a surprise when we meet on Monday. He won't know what hit him.

Elliot POV

I can't believe my dumbass brother. How or why the hell would he cheat on Ana? God I hope he hasn't fallen back into that BDSM shit, and this was one of those whores he used to beat and fuck.

I see my ride coming down the street and hop in when he stops in front of me. "Head to Escala and pull into the parking garage please." I don't tell him what's going on, just that I needed a ride. He drops me at the elevator and leaves-I told him he didn't need to wait for me; if this takes a while or turns ugly I don't want Ana's business made public.

I punch in the code for the penthouse and head up. I didn't call in advance because I didn't want to warn him that I was coming over. The doors ding and open and in walk into the foyer where Reynolds meets me. "Where's Christian?" I demand. "He's busy and doesn't want to be bothered." "Well, I don't really care what he wants, so don't give me that bullshit. Where is he?" Reynolds tilts his head towards Christian's office so I walk down the hall and open the door without knocking.

I cannot believe the scene in front of me. It looks like a tornado has blown though...everything has been destroyed, and his desk and couch have been flipped over on their sides. Christian is sitting on the floor holding their wedding picture in his hands staring at it; his eyes are bloodshot from crying. He looks up at me "I fucked up Elliot. I fucked up bad." Even as pitiful as he looks, I cannot feel any sympathy for him right now. "Yes, you did Christian. Look, I'm not here for you right now. I came to get Ana's car for her. Where are the keys?" He looks at me and says "Sawyer is back and he can drive her everywhere. She doesn't need her car." Typical control freak asshole. "Look Christian, she doesn't want a driver, she wants her car, so where are the keys so I can leave?" After a minute he tells me to have Reynolds get them, and then I tell him I'll come back later so we can talk. He nods his head and I walk out. I need to calm down and process what I just saw before I can deal with him.

APOV

Elliot dropped my car off and headed home to Kate and Ava. I asked him how Christian was and all he said was "not good" but wouldn't elaborate. He said he was going to go over again later tonight to talk to him.  
I will not allow myself to feel pity for him. He can sit in his fortress in the sky and feel sorry for himself. I don't care. He destroyed our marriage, not me. I told Phillip that I will absolutely not change my mind. I want a divorce. Plain and simple. No legal separation, no counseling, no cooling off period. It is over. I want to walk out of his office Monday afternoon with Christian's signature on the divorce papers and put this Godforsaken mess behind me and move on.

I know I will need to start seeing therapist soon, but I will deal with that later. For now I have Kate… I'm sure as hell not going to see that quack Flynn. Christian has been seeing him for years and I don't think he's helped him very much. All that SFBT or whatever crap he's been pushing on Christian all these years did nothing except pad his own bank account. Christian and I did a few couples sessions with him before we got married and I wasn't impressed with him at all. He seems to be intimidated by Christian, so he agrees with him instead of counseling him. He's made enough money off Christian throughout the years to put all of his kids through college for sure.

 _OK Ana, enough of this crap. Don't think about him right now._

It's been a long time since I have driven my R8, so I decide to take it for a spin to help clear my head and prepare myself for Monday's meeting. My dad and I used to go to Leavenworth a few times a year when I was young and I really loved it there. It's a beautiful little Bavarian-style town about 2 hours east of Seattle. I lower the top on my car, tie my hair in a ponytail, put on baseball cap and head out after texting Kate my plans for the day. The drive through the Cascades is gorgeous, and the R8 handles the windy roads with ease...I can't say the same for the black SUV that has been following me since I left my apartment.

I arrive about lunchtime, and being Saturday the little town is pretty busy. Luckily I find an empty parking place in front of a small cafe and decide to have lunch. About 15 minutes later I see the familiar face of Luke Sawyer standing outside the cafe, trying to be inconspicuous. I call my waitress over and ask her to take him a cup of coffee. I watch her walk out and hand it to him, and then she points at me. He looks at me and smiles, and I wave back at him. Luke has been a good friend and I will miss him when this is over.

After lunch I do some window shopping before I head home. Driving around town I look at all of the beautiful homes and B&Bs, and think how nice it would be to have a little cottage or small house here. I drive by one of the B&Bs and it looks like they are preparing for a wedding.

 _I hope he doesn't cheat on her_ … I think to myself, sadly.

I arrive home just before dark and pull the car into the garage and wave goodnight to Luke. I drove a little slower on the trip home and he was able to stay with me a little easier than on the trip there. I called Kate and let her know I was back safely, ordered a pizza for dinner, took a hot bath and decided to go to bed. Hopefully sleep will come a little easier tonight.

Early the next morning I am awakened by the sound of someone pounding on my front door. I look through the peephole and see Christian. Shit! Someone must have let him into the building. He's pleading with me to open the door so we can talk, and how sorry he is and how much he loves me. I told him we will talk tomorrow at my attorney's office and if he doesn't leave I will call the police. _Where the hell are Taylor and Sawyer?_ I grab my blackberry and call Taylor, but it goes right to voicemail... _that's odd_ , so I call Sawyer and he answers right away. "Ana are you OK?" "No I'm not. Your idiot boss is here banging on my door. If he doesn't leave I'm going to call the police. I called Taylor but his phone goes right to voicemail."  
"Ana I'll be right there. I'm at the coffee shop around the corner" and he hangs up. 2 minutes later he pulls up and buzzes my apartment so I can let him in.  
I hear a loud commotion and people yelling outside my door, and through the peephole I see Sawyer trying to calm Christian down and get him to leave before then police show up. Christian has tears running down his face and I can hear him screaming my name as Sawyer drags him down the steps, and out of the building. I can't watch this anymore and I go sit on my couch, fighting back tears. "I will be strong, I will be strong," I repeat to myself.  
Monday afternoon can't get here soon enough.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**

 **Thanks again to all of you guys who are continuing to read and review this story. I am still surprised by the great response I am receiving.**

 **I know I promised long chapters, but these last 2 have done in between trying to pack and move for my new job…the next chapter will be a long one….**

 **I do not own FSoG**

Ana POV

Monday morning I drove myself to work for the first time since before I got married. Luke or someone else has always driven me. Sometimes I wondered why Christian even bought me a car, let alone 2 of them.  
I got in before Hannah, and emailed her to clear my schedule from noon on...I would not be available after lunch for any reason. I have to be to Philip's office at 12:30 and the meeting is scheduled for 1:00. My stomach has been doing flips since I got up this morning, and few minutes ago I threw up my toast and tea that I had for breakfast earlier. I'm not looking forward to this meeting one bit, but I'm anxious for it to be over. These past 3 days have been a bitch for sure. I told Phillip about Christian's visit Sunday morning, so he is having a restraining order drawn up and hopes have it ready by this afternoon during our meeting.

12:00 rolls around and I shut down my laptop and tell Hannah I am leaving. She can tell something is wrong but is smart enough to not ask what. Kate calls as I am driving, and asks if I need her there for support. I tell her no, but to be ready to come over later and be armed with lots of wine. She laughs and said she will be there with a box of wine, a box of Kleenex and boxes of Chinese takeout.  
I pull into the parking garage at Philip's office and take a deep breath before getting out of my car. He had me park in his private spot in case Christian was waiting to ambush me. He also had a security guard waiting to escort me to his office.  
Phillip has me take a seat in his office while we wait for Christian and his attorney to arrive. We briefly discuss everything we have gone over the past few days. The restraining order hasn't come back yet so if need be he will have Christian served at GEH or Escala if it isn't ready by the time we are done here.  
His secretary comes in and tells us know that Christian and his attorney have arrived and are waiting in the conference room.  
I take a deep breath and we walk out of his office and into the conference room.  
I walk in and stare Christian right in the eyes, and his eyes are bloodshot from either lack of sleep or crying, or both. I sit next to Phillip and wait for him to take the lead.

He starts speaking and says that it is my wish that this matter be settled in private here today. "My client's petition for divorce is based on Mr. Grey's infidelity, and because of his infidelity she is unwilling to continue in their marriage. As both parties are aware, there is no Pre-nuptial agreement in place, which means my client is entitled to half of Mr. Grey's assets. However, my client is not interested in any part of Mr. Grey's assets. Grey Publishing was gifted to my client by Mr. Grey on their first wedding anniversary...the deed is solely in her name. All my client is asking for in her petition is Grey Publishing, her personal possessions, which still remain in their Escala penthouse, and her 2 vehicles, and Audi R8 and Saab 9-3. She is also demanding that the CPO security on her cease immediately, as well as any forms of surveillance, cyber or electronic tracking ,hacking, or monitoring of any her personal accounts such as phone, email bank accounts, etc.…"  
Christian's lawyer is in shock. He can't believe I am not asking for half of Christian's billions or any of his properties around the world.  
Christian finally speaks "I don't care what Ana is or is not asking for. I don't want a divorce. I will never sign the papers". He turns to me "Ana can't we talk about this? Can we take some time and see if we can work this out-Counseling, anything?" He pleads.

I look him right in the eyes "No Christian. We cannot work this out. You know how I feel about cheating. I made it perfectly clear before we got married. And don't forget that you vowed to be faithful to me...remember our wedding? You were there…" I snarled at him. That pissed him off. He hates sarcasm.

He pounded his fist on the table and shouted "Goddammit Ana. I fucked up. I know I did. I made a mistake. You will never know how sorry I am. Don't do this. Don't throw us away because I'm an idiot. Please give me a chance to make this up to you, to prove to you how much I love you. I know what I did is unforgivable, but please baby, let me fix this."  
I stared right at him and simply said "No."  
That's a word Christian Grey is not used to hearing. Nobody tells Christian Grey no. But I just did. I could tell he was waiting for me to say more but I just sat there staring at him.

"Fuck!" He shouts and pounds both his fists on the table like a 5 year old throwing a temper tantrum. "Why? Why won't you even try? Did our marriage mean so little to you that you are willing to throw it away so easy-without fighting for us?" He screams at me. He gets us and starts pacing and running his hands through his hair.

I looked at him in total shock. "Are you kidding me? I am throwing away our marriage? You threw it away the first time you stuck your dick in that whore, you asshole!" I yelled back at him.  
"Mr. Grey, sit down" Phillips sternly says to him. Another thing Christian doesn't like...being told what to do.  
"Mr. Grey. As I said earlier, my client is willing to settle this matter here in private. If an agreement cannot be made then we will have no choice but to file the divorce in court,  
and all of this will be a matter of public record—your dirty laundry will be available for the public to read all about. We all know how much you value your privacy, and as soon as the paparazzi get ahold of this, you and my client will not have a moment of peace. Think about that for a few minutes."

Christian glares at me then asks "Why the rush Ana? Why are you in such a hurry for the divorce? Do you have someone on the side you have been fucking? Have you been whoring yourself out to someone else?" He spews at me.

I cannot believe what has just come out of his mouth. "Fuck you Christian! How dare you try to turn this around on me? You're the only cheating bastard in this room. You fucked up...be a man for once and take responsibility for your actions. This isn't something you can throw money at, or threaten or blackmail to make it disappear. You can't send Taylor or your lawyer to make this go away like you do every time you fuck up, or something from your past comes back to haunt you. It's your mistake, so own up to it, accept it, and sign the fucking papers" I scream at him.

He just looks at me then snarls "What proof do you even have that I cheated? You're just making up all this shit so you can go fuck your little side piece without feeling like the whore you are!"

I go to stand up but Phillip puts his hand on my arm to keep me in my chair. I see him press a small button under the table and a few seconds later the security guard who walked me in enters the room and looks at Phillip and asks is everything is OK. Phillip looks at Christian and his lawyer and says

"I think we all need to take a breath and calm down. He looks at the guard and asks him to stand outside the door. I look at Christian then back over to Phillip

"I've had enough of this. I am not going to sit here and listen to his bullshit slander. I am not the cheater in this room. He is. Phillip-file the papers in court. He will live to regret it. Let the public find out that the Golden Boy of Seattle is a cheating, lying piece of shit. I'm sure that will affect your business too, Christian. That morality clause you put in all your contracts is going to come back and bite you in the ass!" I stand up and go to walk out when Christian gets up and walks towards me.

"Baby wait. Please. I'm sorry. I didn't mean any of it. Please don't leave." He puts his hands on arms and tries to turn me to face him.

"Get your fucking hands off me you son of a bitch" I hissed at him. His eyes got darker and he tightens his grip on me, and for the first time ever I was terrified of him…I actually see the monster inside him, not the lost little boy, or the kind, generous man I fell in love with, but the monster he always said he was. I pull as hard as I can to get out of his grip, and when I get free I trip and fall backwards over my chair, hitting my head on the table. Then everything went black.

The next day I wake up with the worst headache I have ever had. My dad is sitting next to me, holding my hand and I hear machines beeping next to my bed. "Daddy?" He leans over and kisses my cheek.

"Hey honey. Let me call the nurse." He gets up and walks down the hall to get someone to come. Just then Kate walks over to me and hugs me.

"Hey Steele. Glad to see you. You had us worried for a while." I can see tears in her eyes.

"What happened?" I asked anybody.

Just then the nurse came in. She smiles at me and says "Welcome back Mrs. Grey. How are you feeling?" She checks my IV and then my blood pressure.

I looked at her and said "I have a headache and I need to pee."  
She tells me I have a catheter for now, and that she will go get my doctor and something for my headache.  
I want to get up and use the restroom but Kate and my dad won't let me get out of bed.

"Wait until the doctor comes in and if he OK's it we will have the nurse remove the catheter and help you to the bathroom" my dad argues with me.

A few minutes later Dr. Greene and another Dr. I don't know walk in.

"Hi Mrs. Grey. I am Dr. Thomas. I am your attending physician. I was here when you were brought in yesterday, and I am also a neurologist.

Dr. Thomas looks at my chart and tells me he wants to talk to me about my head injury.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

I think for a minute and then look at my dad and he gives me a sad smile. "I was at my lawyers office discussing my divorce with my soon to be ex-husband and his lawyer."

He nods his head and makes a few notes on my chart. "Do you remember anything else?"

"Things got heated and we were screaming at each other…I remember getting up to leave..." and my voice trails off.

He looks down his nose, over his glasses and asks "Mrs. Grey, do you remember falling and hitting your head on the table?"

I just stared at him. I fell? "No I don't. How long have I been here?"

"You came in yesterday afternoon about 2:30. You have been unconscious for a little over 24 hours. You suffered a mild concussion and a slight seizure as a result of the blow to your head. Your memory seems to be fine and your X-rays do not show any fractures to your skull. I would like to keep you here one more day for observation, and if all goes well you can go home tomorrow." I look at my dad and Kate and they both smile at me but I get the feeling there is more to this story. "Dr. Greene needs to talk to you, too. I'll check in on you later."  
He walks out the door and Dr. Greene walks up to me and gave me a sad smile.

"Mrs. Grey, I'm afraid I have some bad news to tell you." I look over at Kate, and she has tears in her eyes, and my dad looks down at his hands, not able to look me in the face. "The injuries you suffered yesterday were too traumatic for your body to deal with, and as a result of them, I'm so sorry to tell you that you suffered a miscarriage."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**

 **Thanks again for all your reviews and comments. I am overwhelmed by the responses to this story.** **You guys are great!**

 **In response to some of the most frequent questions:**

 **Is this and HEA for C &A? No it is not.**

 **Why did he cheat? That will be answered in the epilogue.**

 **Does Ana get an HEA? PM me if you want the answer.** **Give me a day or 2 to answer…**

 **How many more chapters? This one and, one or two more, plus the epilogue**

 **How often will I update? Every 2 or 3 days.**

 **I do not own FSoG**

Ana POV

A miscarriage? I didn't even know I was pregnant. "How? Why?" I couldn't form a complete sentence.

Dr. Greene was quiet for a minute then began speaking "Mrs. Grey" she began, but I interrupted her

"Please, don't call me Mrs. Grey, call me Ana."

"OK, Ana. As I said, the force to your stomach from the arm of the chair when you fell was too hard, and combined with the seizure from the blow to your head it was just too much stress for your body to handle, and it triggered the miscarriage."

"I don't understand how I was pregnant. I get my shot 2 weeks before its due, and we use condoms a week before and after just to be safe. How did this happen?"

"No form of birth control is 100% effective, Ana. I am guessing that you were about 5-6 weeks along. Your shot, even 2 weeks early, isn't due for another 2 weeks, so I am guessing that you got pregnant about 4 weeks after your last shot." She lets this sink in for a minute before continuing "By any chance were you taking any other prescriptions or any over the counter medication about a month ago? Certain ones can interfere with the effectiveness of birth control."

Holy shit. "Yes. About a month ago I broke a tooth and had it pulled, and the dentist gave me antibiotics to help avoid infection. I took them for a week…"

"Well, that could very well be what caused your shot to fail." She lets me absorb this before asking "Is there anything I can do for you?"

I shook my head no as my eyes began to well up with tears. She patted me on the arm and told me she would stop by and check in on me later, and then walked out of the room.

My dad and Kate walked over and both hugged me while I cried for what seemed an eternity. After I stopped shaking and crying they both released me and stepped back to give me space. My dad isn't used to seeing me so broken and doesn't quite know what to do or say. I'm sure Kate has filled him in on what's been going on the last few days, and I'm sure he wants to confront Christian and give him a good beating.  
He excuses himself to go get a cup of coffee and says he will be back shortly. I look at Kate and ask her where Christian is.

"Your lawyer served him with the restraining order at the office yesterday afternoon. The paramedics were trying to put you into the ambulance while he was screaming and yelling at them, insisting that they let him ride in there with you when he was served. Phillip told him that under no circumstances was he allowed within 500 yards of you, and if he showed up at the hospital he would be arrested on the spot. He told your dad that Reynolds and the security guard both had to restrain him when the ambulance pulled away. Phillip called me from the hospital and I called your dad; he waited at the hospital until your dad got here."

I have so many emotions going through me right now, mostly anger at Christian-this entire mess is because he couldn't keep his dick in his pants. Now I have lost my baby because of him...a baby I didn't even know I was carrying. I have no clue how he would have reacted to that bit of information. I guess I will never know...

A few minutes later there is a knock on the door and Grace pokes her head in "Ana may I come in?"

I give Grace a small smile "Of course." Kate gets up and kisses me on the forehead and tells me she will be back in a few minutes. I know she wants to give Grace and me a chance to speak privately.  
Grace sat down next to me and took my hand in hers. "Ana, dear, I looked at your chart earlier when you were unconscious. I'm so sorry about the baby." I saw tears well up in her eyes as she continued "Did Christian know you were pregnant?"

I shook my head "Grace I didn't even know." And with that I saw a tear roll down her face. "Elliot has told us what is going on. I don't know what to say. I can't believe he would do this to you. We are all so disappointed in him." We both sit there not saying anything for a few minutes. "Ana are you going to tell him about the miscarriage?" she asks.

I took a deep breath and said "Grace, I haven't even thought that far. I'm still trying to process it myself. Because of the restraining order we cannot contact each other without our lawyers present, and to be honest with you, I have no desire to speak to him again until we go to court for the divorce hearing." I can see the pain on her face as she absorbs what I just said.

"Ana I understand and respect your wishes to not see or talk to him, but if you wouldn't have any objection to me telling him about the baby, I think he should know."

"That's fine Grace. It would probably be better if he heard it from you instead of his lawyer.

She gives me a sad smile, leans down and gives me a hug before leaving. "You're my daughter, Ana, and you always will be."  
After she leaves I feel so alone. Grace treated me like her own daughter from the moment she met me. She filled the void left from the absence of my own mother.

GRPOV

That was, without a doubt, one of the most difficult conversations I have ever had. I feel horrible for Ana, and I am so disappointed in Christian. Now I have to tell him that he caused Ana to lose their child. I don't know how he is going to react to that news. I guess I'm going to find out soon.

I called Carrick and told him what happened, and that we needed to talk to Christian tonight. Elliot said he hasn't been to work since last week either. We're going to show up unannounced so he can't avoid us. I am not looking forward to this conversation.

The elevator dings and we walk into the apartment expecting Taylor, but Reynolds greets us. "Good evening Mr. & Mrs. Grey. Is he expecting you? He didn't mention that you were coming." "No he's not, but we need to speak with him now. It's very important."

He nodded his head "Please have a seat and I'll let him know you are here."

A few minutes later a haggard, unshaven man I barely recognize comes out of his bedroom and sits down, never looking up at us. "Christian" I began "We've spoken with Elliot so we know a little of what is going on. Son, we need to tell you something..."

Christian's head shoots up and he looks at us with a panic stricken face "Oh God, it's not Ana is it? Is she OK?"

"Ana is OK, but this does concern her." I take a deep breath, look at Carrick and begin "She did not know it at the time, but Christian, Ana was pregnant."

He his eyes got as big as saucers, and I could see fear in his eyes. "What do you mean she _was_ pregnant?"

"The trauma to her head and the blow to her stomach from the chair when she fell caused her to lose the baby."

He stared at me, not saying anything, then stood up and started pacing the room running his hands through his hair "No! No! No!" He kept repeating over and over.

Carrick got up and approached him "Christian, son, calm down."

"My God, I hurt Ana. I hurt Ana. I killed the baby. I'm like her; I'm just like the crackwhore!"

He kept pacing and calling himself a monster, saying he was no better than the crackwhore.

I have never felt so helpless-I didn't know what to do so I told Carrick to call John Flynn.

By the time Flynn arrived we had managed to calm Christian down a little-he was now sitting on the couch with a blank look on his face, staring at the wall, not speaking.  
Flynn suggested to Carrick that we leave them alone and let them talk. He said Christian would be more apt to talk if it were just the 2 of them.

I bent down and kissed Christian on the cheek and told him we would be back later. He looked up and gave us a sad smile and nodded his head. As we stepped into the elevator, I broke down and started sobbing. Carrick put his arm around me and pulled me into his chest. We rode home in silence, neither of us knowing what to do or say.

FPOV

"So Christian, what's going on?"

He stares across the room and without looking at me says "Ana found out about the affair, and had me served with divorce papers Friday afternoon."

I am speechless. "The affair you had in New York? You told me that it was just a fling and that you ended it months ago. Was that not true?"

He looked down at the floor before answering "The 'fling' relocated to Portland a month ago, and contacted me again. I've seen her the last 4 times I was down there. Don't ask me why, John. I don't have an answer. It was just rough, meaningless sex, nothing more, and she understood that it would never be anything more. I have no feelings for her."

He then told me about last Thursday night, and smelling Ana's scent and feeling her presence in the room all night. "The entire time we were fucking it felt like Ana was in the room. I even called out Ana's name when I came, and I said things to her that I say to Ana when we're having sex. The scent was so strong that I actually believed it was Ana I was fucking. When we were done, the shame and guilt hit me so hard that I couldn't breathe. The disgust I felt with myself for what I had done to Ana hit me like a freight train and I ended it right then. I told her to leave and never contact me again. I made her sign an NDA back in New York after the first time we hooked up, and I reminded her that it was still in place. She got dressed and left, never saying a word to me as she walked out the door."

I looked him right in the eye "So how did Ana find out?"

He spent the next 15 minutes telling me about Ana's surprise visit to the Heathman, being served divorce papers in the garage the next afternoon, Taylor and Gail resigning, Sunday's events at her apartment, and the meeting at the lawyer's office. He also told be about the call he got from the manager at the Heathman, telling him that housekeeping found Ana's bag in the back of the closet.

"That explains why I kept smelling and feeling Ana's presence in the room. I had the manager send me the bag...I keep it next to our bed—the scent makes it feel like she is still there."

I nodded my head, and said "Your sense of smell is the most powerful one, Christian. It triggers memories, good and bad, and as you said, it makes you feel her presence in the room." I am quiet for a minute, and then ask him what else he needs to tell me.

"The worst is yet to come, John." He sighs and looks away from me again. "We had a meeting at her lawyer's office Monday to go over and sign the divorce papers, but I begged her to try to work it out, to save our marriage; give me another chance, but she absolutely refused to even think about it. When she told me no, I completely lost my shit, and started yelling at her, and I accused her of having an affair; John, I called her a whore. I called my wife a whore. I tried to turn my fuckup around on her. I asked her what proof she had that I cheated...I was a total dick to her."  
He looked down and started fiddling with his wedding ring, then tells me about the physical confrontation at the lawyer's office, and Ana falling and hitting her head and passing out, and finally him being served the restraining order as she was being loaded into the ambulance.

"So you haven't seen her since the meeting?" I asked.

He shook his head no. "I am not allowed within 500 yards of her, and any contact must be requested through her attorney, and he must be present at all times." Another deep breath "Here's the worst part. When she fell, the arm on the chair hit her in the stomach, and she had a seizure after her head hit the table." He paused, took a deep breath, and continued "She had a miscarriage."

Holy shit. I didn't know what to say. I just stared at him for several minutes. This I was not expecting. He has rendered me speechless for the first time since I met him.

CPOV

Flynn has taken off his glasses and is staring at me...I don't think he knows what to say.

Finally he speaks "A miscarriage? She was pregnant and you manhandled her like that?" He asks, with complete disgust in his voice.

"No! I didn't know she was pregnant, and neither did she. She found out when she woke up at the hospital and Dr. Greene had to tell her." I take a moment to calm down. "I've lost her John. Even if she does forgive me for the affair, I know she won't forgive me for the miscarriage. Ana has always wanted kids and was willing to wait for me to come around to the idea, but I hadn't yet. 6 months ago we started talking about trying next year-I asked her to wait one more year. She will never forgive me for losing the baby. It's my fault John. I am worse than the crackwhore! She might not have protected me, but at least she didn't kill me...I really am a monster..."

John puts his glasses back on "Christian, this was an accident-an unfortunate accident. You are not monster. You did not kill your child."

I glared at him. "The fuck I didn't! If I didn't have the affair none of this would have happened. If I would have kept my dick in my pants Ana and I would still be together, happily married and Ana would still be pregnant. But no, my selfish dumbass had to throw it all away for a worthless piece of ass. I love Ana and I hurt her. I did the worst thing a man can do to his wife. And for what? A few quick fucks with some whore I met in a bar. Ana didn't deserve any of it. She is pure and kind and sweet, and I just destroyed her and killed the baby at the same time. I don't deserve to live, John!" I screamed at him. I was totally out of control and started throwing anything I could get my hands on.  
Reynolds and Ryan both came running in when they heard the sound of everything breaking. I could hear Flynn telling me to calm down, and Reynolds and Ryan grabbing me by the arms and sitting me back down on the couch.

"Christian look at me. Look at me." I heard Flynn talking again.  
"Christian I'm going to sedate you, OK? Your heart is racing and you need to calm down."

I just nodded my head.

"I'm going to call your parents to come over and stay with you tonight as well. I don't want you here by yourself." I nodded again and few minutes later I could feel the effects of the shot starting to take over. Reynolds and Ryan helped me to my bedroom and set me down on my bed; a few minutes later I was out cold.

Ana POV

Dr. Thomas just came in a told me I can go home this afternoon. I can't go back to work until next Monday but I can work from home. He also doesn't want me driving for a few days either. My dad hasn't left since he got here, except to go to my apartment and take a quick shower. He wanted to call my mom to let her know what was going on but I told him no. I haven't spoken to her in over a year, and I haven't seen her since our wedding. I can't deal with her right now. The nurse comes in with my discharge papers and a wheelchair, and my dad helps me into the chair and pushes me down the hall. By some miracle the paps haven't gotten wind of what is going on so we are able to leave without being harassed. Kate meets us at the apartment to help get me settled in, plus she brought lunch for us. Once I got settled in my dad left to go back to Montesano. He's missed enough work, and Kate volunteered to stay with me for tonight...her mom is watching Ava again so Kate can babysit me. We both eat lunch in silence, but after a few minutes she asks me how I am really doing.  
"I think I'm still in shock about everything Kate. A week ago I was happily married and deeply in love with my husband, and now I am separated, getting divorced and trying to deal with losing my baby—a baby I didn't even know about. I'm sad, depressed, but mostly I'm angry at Christian for causing this entire mess. I thought we were happy. Our sex life was fantastic, we loved spending time together, doing things together. We couldn't wait for the end of the day to get home to each other. We enjoyed our life together…and Christian finally agreed to start thinking about starting a family too."

Kate looked at me in total shock. She knew how much I wanted kids; every time I brought up the subject with Christian, he always said he wasn't ready, and would ask me to give him another year. Then I would go cry to Kate…she was the only one to whom I confided about how I was starting to think he was never going to change his mind. I didn't say anything to her about this last conversation because I wanted to wait to see if he really meant it.

I continued "A few days before he went to New York I had to see Dr. Greene to get my shot, and I brought having a baby up again to Christian…it's been almost 2 years since we discussed it. He asked if I would wait another year, and then I could stop taking my shot and we could start trying. I was so happy I was walking on clouds for a week…finally I was going to get my wish to be a mother. That's why I just can't understand why he did this…I don't know if it's a BDSM thing or what...not like it would make a difference. I have no clue how long it's been going on either. If I hadn't have walked on them and caught him, would it still be going on? He knew how I felt about cheating. Why would he do this when he knew exactly how I would react if I found out? I have so many questions, Kate, but I really don't know if I can sit and talk to him without it turning into another screaming match. He had the balls to call me a whore, and accuse me of wanting the divorce because I was cheating on him. I wanted to settle this privately, but when Christian started in with his bullshit accusing me of cheating, I told Phillip to file the papers in court. I really don't care anymore. I just want this shit to be over" as tears start to run down my face.

Kate gets up and sits down next to me and pulls me into a hug. That's what I love about Kate. She knows when I need to talk and when I just need a hug. She has her opinions of Christian, but right now she knows to bite her tongue and just be there for me.

Later that night I emailed Hannah and told her I would be working from home for the rest of the week and to call me when she got in. Kate had called her Monday and told her I had an accident and would be out for a few days, but didn't elaborate any more.  
I was emotionally drained and decided to call it a night. I kissed Kate on the forehead and went to bed, hoping for dreamless sleep to come.

Kate was sitting at the breakfast table drinking coffee when I woke up the next morning. She had to go back to work but told me to call her if I needed anything.

I called Phillip after she left to find out what was going on. He hadn't done anything yet because of the accident, but suggested he contact Christian's lawyer and set up another meeting since the first one ended so abruptly and with absolutely nothing resolved. I agreed to that, and told him whenever would be fine with me. I told him that if Christian started any shit like last time that I would walk out and we would file in court.  
I also informed him of the video, so if Christian demanded proof I do have it, and will gladly show it to a judge to speed up the divorce process. I'm still keeping quiet about the 15 insurance policies...I don't want to use them unless I absolutely have to...hopefully it won't come to that, but with Christian who knows…

Hannah called a little while later to check on me and update me on what has happened in my absence. She said there were a few things that needed my approval or signature, so I sent Luke over to get them. He's still shadowing me 24 hours a day...he was at the hospital outside my door the entire time. We sat and visited for a while, and he filled me in on Taylor and Gail leaving, and why. I could not believe that Taylor gave his notice because he wouldn't be a part of Christian's betrayal, and was even more surprised about the incident in the garage. He said Taylor contacted him to come back from his vacation early so he could take over as Christian's head of security until a replacement could be found, but he refused to take over as soon as he found out what was going on. He agreed to stay and watch over me as long as it was necessary; apparently he is just as pissed off at Christian as Taylor is. Reynolds is now Christians acting head of security. We both got a good laugh out of that.

Kate called me later to check on me and in told her I was fine. I told her she didn't need to come over after work...she had a daughter and husband to take care of. I promised to call her tomorrow and we hung up. I spent the day reviewing a few manuscripts and answering a week's worth of emails. Not an exciting day, but I was thankful for the peace and quiet.

The next morning Phillip called and said Christian's lawyer got back with him and wanted to schedule another meeting for 2 weeks…apparently Christian isn't available until then. Shortly after I hung up with Phillip I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. Hesitantly, I answered it. "Hello, Ana? This is John Flynn. Do you have a few minutes?"

WTF? Fucking Flynn?

 **A/N**

 **Just to clarify: In chapter 1 Ana mentioned that Christian hadn't warmed up to the idea of having kids yet, but that doesn't mean they haven't discussed the possibility of if or when they would start trying...**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**

 **OK everyone...here is the last chapter. There will be an epilogue in a few more days that will answer any questions you may have.**

 **Thanks again to everyone for their continued support and reviews of this story. You rock!**

Ana POV

 _Flynn? Why the hell is he calling me?_  
"Hello John. What can I do for you?"

"Ana I need to talk to you about Christian. I need your help."  
There is silence on the phone..."John, Christian is your patient, should you really be talking to me about him? Aren't you violating his doctor-patient confidentially by talking to me?"

"He pauses for a second "Yes, Ana I am, and I wouldn't be doing it but I really need your help. Christian had a serious breakdown the other day after he heard about the miscarriage; it was so bad that I had to sedate him and have his parents stay with him for the few days to keep an eye on him. I was wondering if you would be willing to meet with him in my office for a session with him. I am aware of the restraining order, and if you would agree to meet I would make the request to your attorney. I think having you two speak will help him cope with the guilt he is feeling over what has happened."

I cannot believe this. "John, were you aware of the affair when it first began?"

He coughs and answers "Yes, Ana. He confided in me when it first happened, but"

I interrupted him before he could say anything else "How long John? How long has it been going on?"

"Ana I can't tell you that."

"Why not? If you're so willing to violate his confidence now, why didn't you call me back when the affair first started? Maybe this shit storm wouldn't be as bad as it is now…maybe some of this grief could have been prevented."

'Ana, I don't know what else to do right now…he needs to unburden himself of the guilt, and the only way I can see that happening is if you speak with him."

"If you want me to even consider meeting with him you're going to answer a couple of questions from me right now."

"Ana, please save your questions for when you meet with Christian."

"John the last time I met with Christian he accused ME of cheating, called ME a whore, and then I would up in the hospital with a concussion, bruises on both of my arms, I had a seizure and a miscarriage all because of him and his fucking temper because he couldn't handle hearing the cold hard truth from me. Do you really think he is going answer any questions from me now? He's just going to blame something or somebody else for what he did, or accuse me of God knows what else."

He paused for a minute, took a deep breath before saying "6 months, Ana. It started 6 months ago in New York.

 _6 months? New York? Holy shit! That explains his mood and how distant he was when he got back from that 4 day trip._ "Did he move her out here? Is she a sub? Has he gone back to BDSM, or is it vanilla? Is he in love with her?"

"Ana he broke it off when he was done with the deal in New York, but a month later she relocated to Portland and contacted him…I was not aware that he had started seeing her again. It is not BDSM, just rough sex, and he has no feelings for her at all…she was never allowed to touch him either. He said he ended it for good that night at the Heathman…the same night you found out. He didn't know you had walked in on them when he broke it off. He couldn't live with the guilt anymore. That is all I am going to say—if you have any more questions then you need to ask him."

"Look, John. I'll think about it. Maybe you haven't realized it, but I'm suffering too. My world came crumbling down in a split second when I opened the bedroom door at the Heathman. I lost my marriage and my baby through no fault of my own. This entire mess is all Christian's fault, and it's not my problem that he can't handle the guilt of what he did. His problem now is he can't buy or bribe or blackmail anyone to make it go away. I'll call you in a few days and let you know, but don't hold your breath." and I hang up.

I'm not taking pain meds anymore so I decide to pour a glass of wine that Kate brought the other night and flop down on my couch. I really don't know how much more shit I can take right now. Christian feels bad for what he did...well he should. What does Flynn expect me to do? I'm not a miracle worker. I, too, need time to heal, process what has happened, and now I'm expected to put myself on the back burner yet again to fix Christian's shit. I know I need to start seeing a therapist, and soon. I pour another glass of wine and start a bath.

To quote Scarlett O'Hara, "I'll think about that tomorrow; tomorrow is another day."

FPOV

I understand Ana's reluctance to meet with Christian...their last meeting was not a pleasant one, and had a disastrous outcome.  
I think this is the worst I have ever seen Christian...even when he was in the deepest, darkest hole in his life he wasn't this bad. Hearing him say he didn't deserve to live shocked me. It's going to take a lot of work to bring him back from this. I can only hope that Ana will be agreeable to meet with him and maybe postpone the divorce or consider reconciliation. Her comment about why I am willing to break his confidence now, but didn't do anything when I learned of the affair has me questioning my abilities as a therapist too. If I had said or done something back then at least the Ana wouldn't have lost the baby, and maybe their marriage could have been saved...what a fucked up mess.

APOV

It's been 2 days since Flynn called me. I didn't know what to do. At least I finally got a few answers to some questions. Grace came over to check on me and she told me how bad Christian is. She said he has completely closed himself off to everyone except Flynn, and has made Ros the interim CEO at GEH because he is incapable of running GEH at the moment.  
I called Kate Sunday and she came and Ava came over for a few hours so we could talk. At first I was completely against meeting with Christian, but after talking it over with Kate and listening to her point of view, I decided to go ahead and meet with him and hear him out. I don't want to hear the gory details of their affair but I do have a few more questions… After Kate left I called John and told him I would be willing to meet Christian, and to contact my attorney. I told him to schedule the meeting in the evening after work and that I also wanted a 24 hour notice. I then emailed Phillip and told him that Flynn would be contacting him shortly and why.

Monday afternoon Phillip emailed me back telling me it had been scheduled for Tuesday night at 7:00. Since this was a private counseling session nobody would be allowed in the room except the 3 of us. He and Christian's attorney would not be present, although Luke and Reynolds would be in the waiting room just in case things got out of control again.

I decide to work late Tuesday and leave and go straight to Flynn's office. Christian was already there when I arrived...it looks like he just finished up a single session. Grace was not exaggerating about his physical appearance; he's lost at least 10 lbs., his eyes are sunken in, he hasn't shaved, and his copper hair looks like it hasn't been combed in days.

"Ana..." Christian gets up and walks towards me but I put my hand up to keep him from getting any closer.

"Stop." I could see the shock and disappointment in his face when I wouldn't allow him to get close to me. I am not here to console him…I am here to hear him out so I can maybe get closure and move on with my life.  
Flynn saw my reaction, and asked us both to have a seat. We sat on opposite ends of the couch, not saying anything. Finally he broke the silence by thanking me for agreeing to the meeting, and directing Christian to start. He also asked us both not to interrupt when the other one was talking.

Christian stared at his hands, and I noticed he is still wearing his wedding ring… I took mine off when I got home from the hospital, and I have no intentions of ever wearing them again.

"Ana, I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am for what I have done. There are no words to express the sorrow I feel for what I have done to you and the baby. I took the most wonderful thing in the world and ripped it to shreds. I took your love, your trust, your heart, and your soul and I destroyed it, and for that I will never forgive myself. I'm so sorry." There is silence again.

After a few awkward minutes Flynn looks at me "Ana?"

I looked at Christian; he couldn't look me in the eye. "Why, Christian? Why did you do it? Was it BDSM? Do you miss your old lifestyle and want to go back to it? You need to see this from my perspective. You knew how I felt about cheating because of the shit I put up with my mother; you knew what the consequences would be if you cheated, and yet you did it anyway. Was it a game to you-to see what you could do and get away with? The mighty Christian Grey can do what he wants with no repercussions. Did you enjoy making me look like a fool? Did you come back from fucking your whore every time and laugh at me because I was clueless to what you were doing? Why should I believe you that you are sorry for cheating? You're just sorry that you got caught. If I hadn't found out you would still be inventing excuses to fly to Portland once a week to get your rocks off!" I hissed at him. "How many of those trips were really necessary? How many were because you just needed a quick fix so you hopped in Charlie Tango to go bang your whore for the night? Is that why when you came back from Portland last week the first thing you did was bend me over my desk and fuck my brains out? Were you so revved up from banging your slut that morning that you needed to come home and boost you ego by demeaning me? Do you know how humiliating it was to have to be tested for STDs? I wanted to crawl in a hole at Dr. Greene's office, and even worse was having to wait for the results, wondering if you gave me some God awful disease. No, you didn't know any of this because you didn't think—you just pounded away, not giving a shit about our marriage our your vows to me!"

"Ana…calm down" Flynn breaks in. "Christian knows what he did was wrong, but he is trying to apologize and ask for your forgiveness and a second chance. Can't you hear him out?"

 _I cannot believe this…Flynn is actually asking me to give him another chance? Isn't that overstepping his position here as a mediator?_ "John, are you kidding me? Isn't it your job to mediate this session, not to take sides? Are you getting a bonus from Christian if you can talk me into giving him a second chance or postpone the divorce? Is this a pay-for-performance session for you? You knew about the affair—when it started, but you kept quiet. Did you even try to convince him to come clean to me, confess what he was doing, or did you just sit back and watch him go deeper and deeper into his deceit, not doing anything to help, all the while cashing the check from each session, waiting for him to come back for another one? You're no better than his 15 whores... you're only interested in him for his money and what else you can get out of him."

Flynn was beyond shocked at what I said. "Ana…" he starts, but Christian interrupts him

"Ana, stop. This is my entire fault. I know I fucked up, but please don't ever believe that I didn't care about our marriage or my vows. I have no excuse for what I did, no reason. It had nothing to do with needing BDSM or missing my old life… I just stupidly did it, and kept doing it. I knew I couldn't tell you or confess what I had done because I knew what the consequences were, and I will forever regret what I did. I will spend the rest of my life knowing I caused you to lose the baby. You cannot fathom the guilt I feel because of my stupid, selfish actions. When I came home after each time I would always wonder if you had found out and if you were leaving me…I had to reconnect with you to make sure we were OK; that's why I would take you like I did; I needed that connection with you. I know it was fucked up, and believe me, I wish I could give you a reasonable answer for what I did, but I can't."

After staring at him for a moment I look him right in the eyes "Where was this grief and sorrow and begging for forgiveness last week when we met? You tried turning all this on me, accusing me of having an affair, and calling me a whore. You didn't seem to be sorry at all last week for what you have done; you just behaved like an arrogant asshole, not accepting any responsibility for you actions. So, again, tell me, why should I believe anything you say?"

He gets down on his knees in front of me and puts his hands on top of my thighs, looking into my eyes, with tears running down his face "I'm so sorry for what I said Ana. I didn't mean any of it. I was still in shock at being served with the divorce papers...so much had happened so fast and I couldn't think straight; I just lashed out at you in total fear because I knew I was going to lose you. I was terrified. Please Ana, don't leave me. I know I need to earn your trust again; I know I have deceived and hurt you. I know I don't deserve it, but please give me another chance. I will spend every second of the rest of my life proving to you how much I love you. I will do anything for you, baby, anything" he pleads as the tears continue to run down his face and he begins to sob uncontrollably.

After a few minutes of listening to him sobbing, I put my hands on top of his, removing them from me before saying "There is _one_ thing you can do for me, Christian."

He looks up at me with hope in his eyes "Anything, Ana. Anything."

"You can sign the Goddamn divorce papers."

Christian closes his eyes as if he is in excruciating pain, lowers his head as the tears continue to roll down his face, and after a moment slowly nods his head, admitting defeat.

Ana POV

A week after the meeting in Flynn's office, Christian and I found ourselves back in the same conference room at my attorney's office we were in a few weeks ago. Christian agreed to sign the divorce papers, but being the control freak/CEO he is, he insisted on some changes before he would sign. Since I didn't ask for anything in the divorce, he insisted that I take large cash settlement, because he felt I deserved to financially share in the success of GEH while we were married. I fought and argued for 30 minutes about it, but in the end I gave in and agreed to accept it. After the divorce becomes final I will just donate it to several charities all around the state; that way there is nothing Christian can do about it. He then insisted on me having a CPO at all times. He argued that even though we would be divorced the paps would still be interested in me and harass me to no end, and I would also still be a target for all the crazies and their threats. I absolutely refused to consider having any form of security provided by him. If it becomes necessary then I will hire my own, and they would report only to me. After having someone following me 24/7 for 4+ years, reporting my every move to him, there was no way in hell that I was going to agree to that. After fighting about it for an another half hour we agreed that I will have a CPO for the next 90 days; I argued that the paps would lose interest in me by then, and another scandal would surely come along by then to keep their interest. I would only allow Luke, and Luke only, as my CPO, and even though he is being paid by GEH, he will not be reporting anything back to Christian or Reynolds.

Kate's (my) apartment has 2 spare bedrooms, so Luke will stay in one of them for the next 90 days to make it easier for him to keep an eye on me. Christian didn't like this one bit, but he now has no say so in any aspect of my life. When I demanded that all surveillance, electronic surveillance included, was to cease immediately, including tracking of my phone, laptop, vehicles, or hacking into my emails, text messages or bank account, or any background checks on me, or anyone who may come into my life, he started to have a mini tantrum. Giving up total control was not easy for Christian and he fought it tooth and nail; at one point refusing to sign the papers. I warned him that he had better stay out of my business or there would be hell to pay, and to make sure he understood just how serious I was, I took him aside and quietly informed him about the video and the 15 insurance policies I had hidden away, and that I would not hesitate one second to release it all to every sleazy tabloid if he didn't reign in his security and cyber stalking bullshit. He was beyond livid, but when he realized I was dead serious, he acquiesced, and agreed to every one of my demands. I told him that I no longer trusted him, and I needed to protect myself from him in every way possible; it's sad that the man who went to such extremes to protect me and keep me safe was the same man from whom I needed protection now. I know his stalking tendencies know no boundaries and I will not tolerate him interfering in my life, or any future relationships I may have.

After we signed the final papers, I made arrangements to pick up the rest of my personal possessions at Escala the next day. Christian was not allowed to be there...the restraining order was in effect, and I can renew it every year if I so desire.

Moving my things out of Escala was difficult. It was my home for over 4 years, and I have some wonderful memories there. Kate and Elliot came over and helped me pack; well Kate and I packed and Elliot carried the bags and boxes down to his truck in the garage. After Elliot took the last box, he and Kate went downstairs to wait for me and give me some time to myself. I walked in the bedroom and took a red Cartier box out of my purse, which held my wedding and engagement rings, and set it on Christian's dresser along with my charm bracelet. I had no need for them anymore. As I turned to walk out the bedroom door I saw my overnight bag by the bed that I left at the Heathman—I had forgotten all about it; they must have called Christian and he had them send it here. I bent down and picked it up, walked out of the bedroom to the elevator, and turned around for one last look before stepping in and closing the elevator doors for the last time.

I started seeing a therapist a few days after we signed the papers; her name is Dr. Lisa Barnard and she only treats female clientele who have gone through divorces due to cheating or abuse. Grace recommended her, and I liked her the minute I met her. I knew I would need a therapist when it was all said and done...I was so hell bent on staying strong and not breaking down during the entire ordeal that I would not allow myself to feel anything until it was over, and when it was over, the dam broke and I finally crumbled.

About 2 weeks later the paps found out, and we were hounded to death. Getting in and out of my apartment and GP became a major ordeal. Luke hired security at GP and my apartment to deal with them but the paps were relentless. Lisa suggested that I take some time off-at least a month- and go somewhere peaceful and quiet, where I would not be recognized and would be left alone. Warm water, beaches, and blue skies came to mind, so I found a house on a private secluded beach in the Maldives, charted a private plane and spent a month working on my tan, relaxing, sipping umbrella drinks, and Skyping daily with Lisa and Kate. Some days were good, some not so good, but I could feel myself slowly beginning to feel better. I sent Kate a plane ticket in hope that she could join me for a few days, and 3 weeks later she managed to get a week off from work, and her mom and Grace offered to watch Ava during the day while Elliot was at work so she could join me.

Luke was there with me the entire time, but he kept his distance and allowed me my privacy when I needed it, and an ear to listen when I needed that, too. When Kate was there we rented scooters, toured the area, went shopping, and spent a lot of time just relaxing in lounge chairs on the beach and talking. She was my best friend, my sister, and my other therapist. I don't think I would have survived this ordeal without her.

After my month was up I returned to Seattle, and to work, but my heart just wasn't in it any more. I never wanted to be a CEO; I just wanted to read and edit books. I was a CEO because Christian bought the company and I was pushed into the position. After several heart wrenching sessions with Lisa over the next 2 months I made a huge decision…I offered to sell GP to one of my biggest competitors, and he jumped at the chance to take over the most successful publishing company in Washington. I made sure that my current staff all kept their jobs and their current salaries…it was one of the main conditions of the deal. I also kept the news of the sale embargoed for the 30 days so Christian wouldn't find out and try to interfere and stop the sale before it was complete…nobody else except Hannah knew. I had built GP into a very successful company and met some wonderful people, but I just couldn't continue working there any longer. I packed my desk, hugged Hannah and left...leaving a big part of my past behind me.

I was right…the paps have backed off, as there was another scandal more interesting than our divorce, and that is keeping them busy. Luke is no longer shadowing me; he resigned when the 90 days were up, and is now working for Taylor in Vancouver. When Taylor left, he started his own security company in Vancouver and offered Luke a job if or when he decided to leave GEH. Luke despised Christian for what he did to me, and felt that his personal feelings towards him would interfere with his ability to do his job to the best of his abilities. We still keep in touch. I learned more about him in those 90 days than I did in the 4 years he was my CPO. He became my protector, the big brother I never had, and I really do miss him.

A few weeks after I walked out of GP for the last time, I packed an overnight bag, hopped in my R8 and headed back to Leavenworth. I remembered how I thought it would be nice to have a small house or cottage there, so I decided to spend a few days there and see what was available.  
All the tracking devices were removed from both of my cars so Christian could not track me anymore…I was finally free to come and go as I pleased. I pulled into town, and checked into a B since I was now Ana Steele, nobody recognized my and name, and skinny jeans, a hoodie, and a ponytail don't exactly scream billionaire.

I called a realtor and made an appointment to see some of the available listings in the area. I wanted a smaller place on the outskirts of town, and she said she had a few that might be what I was looking for. After living in the grandeur of Christian's lifestyle for 4 years I wanted something smaller and much simpler. After having her sign an NDA, the realtor showed me 4 houses and I fell in love with the 3rd one. It was 1800 square feet with 3 bedrooms, a loft, a front porch with a swing and a back porch with a hot tub. Surprisingly it also had a state of the art standalone security system that Taylor would be impressed with. The house was fully furnished so I could move in immediately while waiting for the paperwork to go through.  
I told her I would get back with her in the morning, but I had already made up mind that I wanted it.  
I met her at the office the next morning, signed all the paperwork and contacted my bank to transfer the funds; by noon I was the new owner-the final closing would take about 2-3 weeks. I spent that night in my new home and headed back to Seattle the next morning. I had to contact a moving company to pack the apartment, and tell Kate and Elliot I was moving out, and where I was going. It was time to start over.

CPOV

I can't believe I just signed our divorce papers. After the meeting with Ana at Flynn's office I realized she would never forgive me...I had hurt her too deeply, and I would never be able to regain her trust; I had to accept that and let her go. I tried to force her keep a CPO full time but she refused, and when I argued back that I wouldn't sign the papers unless she did, she quietly informed me she had a video of me from that night at the Heathman and 15 "insurance policies," and would leak all of it to the paps if I tried to keep tabs on her in any way. I was shocked and pissed that she dare threaten me, but I realized she had me by the balls and I had no choice but to sign the fucking papers. I now know how my subs felt when I threatened them with the insurance photos I took of them...talk about karma coming back to bite me in the ass. When I got home from the lawyer's office I had Reynolds play back the CCTV recordings of the night she got home from the Heathman just to see if she actually had them, and sure enough she made copies of the files from my safe. She learned from the best.

2 weeks after we signed the papers somehow the paps found out about the divorce, and they went wild. Reynolds had to hire security at GEH and Escala. Ana, of course, refused any help from me and had Luke handle her security. The crap the paps printed was so vile it made me sick, and the PR departments at GEH and GP together released a statement, through Kavanagh Media, confirming the divorce, and asking everyone to please respect our privacy, hoping to slow down some of the trash being printed. I also lost a few deals because of the negative press and the morality clause I insisted on putting in every contract made me look like the biggest hypocrite in the world…Ana was right again. My PR department is working overtime on damage control. I don't know yet how much of a hit GEH is going to take because of it.

Ana had enough and took off somewhere until things calmed down. I don't know where she went as she charted a private jet so nobody could track her down and harass her, including me. She really was serious that she didn't trust me and needed to protect herself from me.

Jennifer contacted me again, wondering now that Ana was out of the picture if I was interested in resuming our relationship. I had my lawyers contact her and remind her of her NDA and the no contact clause, and the promise of what would happen to her if she dared contact me again. Score another point for Ana…she was right that whenever I screwed up, or my past came back to rear its ugly head I always sent Taylor or my lawyers to threaten the person and make the problem go away.

What really pissed me off the most was the article the Nooz posted that now I had finally "dumped Ana", I was back on top as Seattle's Most Eligible Bachelor, and was now on the prowl for the next Mrs. Christian Grey. That really brought out the crazies…GEH's mailroom and phone lines were flooded with letters and phone calls from women all around the world offering themselves up to be the next Mrs. Grey.

What these whores don't know is that there will never be another Mrs. Christian Grey. That title belonged to one woman and one woman only. I will not desecrate Ana's memory by attempting to replace her with someone who could never hold a candle to her beauty, kindness, grace, and mostly, her innocence.

 **The End. Epilogue to follow in a few days...**


	7. Chapter 7

**I do not own FSoG**

Epilogue

Ana POV

It has been over 3 years since our divorce become final. When I received the papers, I had so many conflicting emotions...sad because I thought Christian and I would be together forever, and relieved that it was finally over, and I could officially start to move on.

After leaving Flynn's office that day I was convinced that divorcing Christian was the right thing to do. Since he could not, or would not, give me a reason for having the affair I felt that I would never be able to trust him again…who's to say he wouldn't do it again since he claimed he didn't know why he did it the first time?

After I got settled into my new house in Leavenworth, and after discussing it at length with Lisa, I decided to go back to work. I got a job as an editor for a publishing company in Vancouver...I work from home, but have to go the office once a month for meetings and whatever else that comes up that needs discussion. Everything else is done by email and fax. I turned the loft into my office and work from there, and it has been great…I finally have my dream job. I know I don't need to work—I made enough money from the sale of GP to last me for the rest of my life, but I just can't sit around and do nothing. I've also been thinking about writing a book one day…I definitely have the time now.

Shortly after the divorce was final, I anonymously donated every penny of the money Christian insisted I take in the divorce settlement. I didn't need the money; I never wanted it in the first place, so it might as well go to help people who need it.

I gave it to animal shelters, food banks, veteran's centers, and every charity in between across Washington State; I also donated the money to have the public library redone in Montesano.

After living here for a while I realized I needed to make a few adjustments... I didn't need 2 convertible sports cars, so I traded my Saab for a Cadillac Escalade-four wheel drive is necessary here in the wintertime. I just couldn't part with my R8...I enjoy driving it back and forth to Vancouver for my monthly meetings, when the weather permits.

I try to meet up with Luke when I go to my meetings in Vancouver, and we have lunch or dinner if possible. Luke loves his new job working for Taylor and it keeps him busy, but he's happy. He began dating a girl shortly after he moved there, and after a year and half together he proposed; she accepted, and he was the happiest I have ever seen him. Sadly, it was short lived… he came home from an out of town trip a day early and found her in bed with someone else, and was completely devastated...it took a long time for him to get over her betrayal; I can so relate.

I hired Taylor's firm to handle my cyber security needs—they monitor my bank accounts, email accounts, social security number, and whatever else to make sure nobody tries to hack me or find out information about me; Taylor supplied me with a secure, military grade cell phone and laptop just to be sure in the off chance that Christian fails to honor his agreement to cease all stalking…so far he's kept his word.

About a year ago I started dating again. I was scared, but I knew I had to put myself out there; I didn't know if I could ever trust a man again with my heart.  
I went on a few first dates, but I just didn't feel any attraction to any of them, so a 2nd date never happened. Then after a bit of a dry spell, I went on a first date with a wonderful man...we just clicked, and the attraction was definitely there. His job kept him busy, and we didn't get to see each other as often as we wanted, but when we did get to spend time together we talked and laughed all night and really enjoyed each other's company; I was really comfortable with him. We dated for a month before we finally slept together; I was so afraid I could never make love to another man, but our first time was incredible.

He was slow and gentle and attentive, and I screamed his name several times that night; I quickly overcame my fear of not being able to be intimate with another man. We spent every spare minute together after that in bed, learning each other's bodies, needs, wants, and desires; 2 weeks after our first time we both declared our love for each other.  
We have been together almost a year now; he proposed a month ago and I happily accepted. We are planning a small, intimate wedding in a few months. I never thought I would find love again; I was so wrong.

Kate and Elliot are still together and very happy. The Christmas after the divorce they gave everyone the best Christmas gift possible…everyone got an ultrasound picture of the next Baby Grey. They were on cloud 9 about it too…Ava was beyond thrilled about having a little brother or sister. They got her a t shirt which read "Promoted to Big Sister" and she wore it every chance she got.

Kate went into labor at 8:00 at night on Friday, July 13th, but absolutely refused to have a Friday the 13th baby, so she held on to Elliot Jr. until 12:03 AM, Saturday the 14th. If he was born before midnight Elliot said he was going to name him Jason…Kate did not think that was funny at all, and Grace, Carrick and I got a pretty good laugh when she smacked Elliot in the back of the head for saying it. Christian was out of town when Kate had the baby, so there were no uncomfortable or awkward confrontations at the hospital.

Kate said he finally started coming around for family dinners again a year and a half or so after the divorce, but for some reason he now has minimal interaction with Ava and EJ…everyone has noticed it, but nobody has ever said anything to him about it.

I met with Christian a year after our divorce was final. His lawyer called and requested the meeting with him and his new therapist. Apparently he had a breakthrough in his therapy, and his therapist felt that it would be beneficial for both of us to meet and talk about it.

I discussed it with Lisa, and she thought it would be a good idea…she actually came with me to the meeting just in case I needed her, sitting in the waiting room while we talked.

Christian finally realized what caused him to have the affair, and felt that I should know the truth so I could get the closure I needed to move on. We actually made it through the session without screaming at each other, although there were plenty of tears shed between the both of us. I didn't say much; I just sat and listened to what he had to say, and it was gut wrenching to hear it.

It was a very difficult and painful meeting for both of us, but Christian was able to unburden himself of the guilt he carried for the reason he had the affair, and I finally got the answers I needed so I could get closure and move on with my life.

He never saw the pain he put me through…he just saw the angry Ana, not the Ana who finally crumbled, the Ana who sat for hours and days hugging a pillow and crying until there were no more tears to cry. The broken Ana…

The meeting set me back several months with the progress I had made in therapy, but with the help from Kate and Lisa I was finally able to forgive Christian for what he did, but I will never forget.

I needed to let go of the anger, humiliation and hurt I was holding onto, or else I would never have been able to move on and be happy again. I do not harbor any ill feelings towards him anymore… Life is too short to spend it spiteful and angry.

CPOV 3 1/2 years after the divorce

It's Friday afternoon and I have had enough for the day and decide to head out for the weekend. I need to get away for a few days, get some fresh air and a change of scenery.  
I remember Ana talking about this little town her dad used to take her to when she was a little girl...Leavenworth...I remember laughing because I thought she was talking about Leavenworth, Kansas where the military prison is. We never took the time to go there after we got married. I wish we had.  
I decide to go home and pack a bag and take off in the morning. It's supposed to be a beautiful drive through the Cascades.  
After over a year of therapy I was finally able to cope with the feelings of guilt of what I had done to Ana, and understand why I did it. The guilt will never go away, but now I can at least handle it a little better. I started seeing a new therapist 3 months after the divorce...I realized that John had become too close, more of a friend than a therapist. I think he was afraid of telling me what I needed to hear because he didn't want to lose me as a patient, or more importantly, lose my checkbook.

My family has always been there for me, even when I shut them after it happened. I didn't talk to them much for the first year and a half...I was in a pretty dark place. The guilt of my cheating and causing Ana to lose the baby was too much; Ros took over GEH for me because I couldn't handle it at the time. The first 3 months after the divorce were mostly spent in the bottom of a bottle of scotch. Even during my sessions with Flynn I was too drunk to remember what, if anything, we discussed. Ros came over one day and threatened me with bodily harm if I didn't get my shit together. After I spilled my guts and told her everything that was going on she told me I really needed to find a new therapist, and recommended one…her name is Dr. Kendra Martensen. I took Roz's advice, and have been seeing her for 2 years now.

 _Flashback—Dr. Martensen's office, 9 months after the divorce_

"Christian, let's talk some more about New York."  
I groaned, not this shit again. "What about it?"  
"You have said several times that women come on to you all the time, even when Ana would be standing next to you."  
"Yes. It pissed me off that they would disrespect Ana like that."  
"And you would always ignore them, or tell them to get lost, correct?"  
"Yes."  
"So I'm curious as to why this time you didn't, why you allowed yourself to engage in conversation with Jennifer..."  
"Please don't say her name."  
" So, as I said, why didn't you tell her to leave when she approached you in the bar, or came on to you later during dinner? Why did you take her to you room? Why did you continue to see her every time you went to New York? Why did you start up with her again when she showed up in Portland? What was so different about her? Were you attracted to her, was she prettier than Ana, or..."  
"Nobody is more beautiful than Ana." I stated firmly.  
"Well, Christian, there was something about her that drew her to you, or else we wouldn't be sitting here today."  
"I don't fucking know! I wish I knew why I didn't tell her to leave, why I didn't just tell her to fuck off. Don't you think I have been asking myself that same question since it happened?"  
"Let's back up a few days before the trip to New York. Did anything out of the ordinary happen at work or at home during the trip or just before you left? Did something upset you or make you mad, or irritated in any way?"  
I think for a minute. "Nothing comes to mind. Just usual crap at work and that deal that started going south."  
"But deals have gone south on you before, and it didn't cause you to have an affair. Was this deal different than any others?"  
"No. It wasn't any different; I've had other deals turn way worse than that one, to the point that I actually lost them. There was nothing significant about that one."  
"What about at home...did you and Ana have a fight or disagreement of any type a few days or a week before that was still unresolved when you left for New York?"  
"No. In fact we talked about starting a family the next year. Ana has always wanted kids, but I wasn't ready, so we put it off for a few years. I finally gave in and told her we could start trying in a year."  
"What do you mean you 'gave in'? Isn't having a child something both parties need to be in agreement about? You were married for 4 years and never had a child. Why?"  
"I wasn't ready for children when we got married. You know all about my past. When we got married I promised Ana that we would have children in the future, just not right away...she was young and just out of college and wasn't ready yet either. We agreed to wait at least 2 years before discussing it again."  
"And 2 years later, what happened?"  
"I still wasn't ready, plus we were both very busy with work…I had GEH and Ana was busy being CEO at GP, so we decided to wait 2 more years. When Ana brought it up just before New York, I agreed that next year she could go off birth control and we could start trying."  
"Were you ready when you agreed to start trying, even if it was a year out?"  
"I couldn't keep putting Ana off. She never asked me for anything, except a child. She had put up with all of my shit...my past, Elena, Leila, my control issues; I couldn't deny her a child. I owed it to her."  
"But now you're divorced because of the affair...so, actually, you did deny her a child."  
"What the fuck are you getting at?"  
"Christian, do you now, or did you ever want children?"  
"I promised Ana that we would have children. I couldn't handle the look of disappointment on her face if I told her no again, that I wasn't ready. You should have seen her face light up when I finally agreed to start trying. The only other time I saw her that excited and happy was the day of our wedding. I wanted to make Ana happy."  
"Christian. You didn't answer me. Do. You. Want. Children? It's a simple question, yes or no."  
I stared at her, then then floor, then the ceiling, then my hands, and finally, after an eternity passes, I look up at her and said the words I could never bring myself to say out loud.  
"No, I don't."  
We sit in silence as what I just said out loud finally sinks in.

"So Christian, if you had denied Ana children during your marriage, would she have divorced you because of it?"

"No, absolutely not. The only reason she would have divorced me was if I cheated on her, and I stupidly did, and now we are divorced. She obviously meant it when she said it was a hard limit."

"You knew she would divorce you if you cheated, and yet you did, but you knew she would not divorce you if you refused to have children. So, again, why did you cheat? Why didn't you just tell her you didn't want children? You would still be married if you had been honest with her."

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!"

She put her notebook down, took off her glasses and looked me right in the eyes. "Christian, it's all right there in front of you, but you just can't see it."

"What are you talking about? What is right there?"

"The reason for the affair."

I just stared at her, not understanding a thing.

"You knew Ana wanted children before you got married; you knew you didn't, yet you led her on for years, lying to her every single day of your marriage that one day you two would start a family. You kept putting her off, year after year, until you finally you " _gave in"_ and committed yourself to an actual time frame when you would start trying, and Ana would finally have what she had been waiting years for, what you had promised her. There was no changing your mind or backing out without breaking Ana's heart and disappointing her. The only way out was divorce, and you knew the only way Ana would divorce you was if you cheated on her. So, without being aware of your actions, you set yourself on a path of self-destruction…you allowed yourself to have the affair in hopes that you would be caught so Ana would divorce you before she got pregnant. And it worked, didn't it? You couldn't handle the guilt of Ana staying married to you, resenting you for giving up her dream of having children because you were too selfish to give her the only thing she ever asked of you…you would rather have her divorce you rather than you being tied to her because of a child you didn't want."

 _Holy fucking shit. Did I really destroy Ana and our marriage because I was too much of a coward to admit to her that I didn't want kids? I tore her heart out because I'm a selfish, spineless piece of shit who doesn't think of anyone else but himself. She never asked me for anything except a child, and I was too selfish to give her the one thing she ever asked for. I've know it all along. I lied to her our entire marriage…we were doomed from the start. Ana never had a chance of true happiness with me._

After 2 more months of intense therapy dealing with this new revelation, I knew I owed it to Ana to tell her the truth; I know she always had doubts that she would never be enough for me, and that I would need more and go back to BDSM. With the scene that she walked in on at the Heathman I am sure that is what she thought. I could not allow her to think that she wasn't enough for me… the truth is, I was never enough for her.

Dr. Martensen suggested a meeting between Ana and me so I could clear the air, and free her of any feelings of doubt or inadequacy she may be harboring about herself. My lawyer made the arrangements and a few weeks later we met up in my therapist's office.

Ana was even more beautiful than I remembered. It felt like had been forever since I had seen her. She walked in the office and sat down on the opposite end of the couch, just like she did when we met with Flynn. We sat there in silence, looking everywhere but at each other.

Dr. Martensen began speaking "Ms. Steele, thank you for coming today. I know this can't be easy for you, but I think today's session will be both enlightening and beneficial for both of you. I would ask that you let Christian speak without interrupting, and if you have any questions or comments please keep them until he is finished, and then you can speak and ask him questions without him interrupting you. This will be difficult for him to talk about, and I am sure it will be even more difficult for you to hear. Christian, why don't you start?"

I began telling my story, and I told her everything… how when our flight home from New York got cancelled due to weather we decided to get hotel rooms at the airport instead of driving back to the apartment because of the weather. I explained to Ana that I went down to the bar/grill in the hotel for dinner that night when 'she' approached me, and after a few drinks 'she' came on to me, which led to us going up to my room. I told Ana that it was nothing but rough sex, not BDSM, even though what she saw at the Heathman appeared to be just that. I told her that I broke it off in New York, but when 'she' contacted me after relocating to Portland we started back up again. I took a deep breath and finally confessed to Ana that I never wanted children, and I had been lying to her since before we got married… I told her that I didn't have the courage to tell her because I couldn't handle disappointing her and denying her what she had always wanted. I told her that I knew she would stay married to me, even after giving up her dream to be a mother, but she would resent me for the rest of her life, and I couldn't live with myself for doing that to her; I did the one thing that I knew she would never forgive me for. I told her that I knew she would divorce me if I cheated, and it was easier for me to make her hate me for cheating than to see the disappointment and resentment in her eyes every day for the rest of our marriage. Simply put, I was, and still am, a selfish fucking coward.

Ana never said a word… she just sat there in shock, with silent tears running down her face. After several minutes, Dr. Martensen finally asked Ana if she had anything to say, or if she had any questions. Ana took a few deep breaths and looked me in the eyes and very quietly said "I have just one question, and please, for once, be honest with me Christian. How do you really feel about the miscarriage? Are you sorry or relieved that I lost the baby?"

I looked at her, and then looked down at the floor…I could not bring myself to answer her.

"OK. I think I have my answer." She bent down, picked up her purse, and without saying another word to me or Dr. Martensen, she walked out of the office and closed the door, never looking back.

I have not seen or spoken to her since.

I had several more intense sessions with Dr. Martensen after that meeting with Ana…the guilt was even worse than before because I saw firsthand what I had put her through with my selfish actions. My self-loathing took over and I spiraled into another pit of darkness and it took another 6 months to get me to a place where I could stand to look at the person who was looking back at me in the mirror without hating what I saw.

I am finally doing well enough to spend time around my family again. Kate tolerates me; she does her best to avoid me, but is civil towards me at family get togethers, which is all I can ask for. After all, it was her best friend I almost destroyed. I cannot bear to be around Ava and EJ for very long, though. I see how happy Kate and Elliot are, and how much they love their children, and it pains me that I am incapable of experiencing those feelings, and that I denied Ana the chance to experience those feelings. Seeing Kate and Elliot and their kids as a family reminds me what I did, and what I am.

Kate and Ana and my mom meet up every few months for lunch-I am so glad that Ana didn't cut my family out of her life along with me. My mom loved her like her own daughter, and the divorce was equally hard on her.

One Sunday afternoon I was at my parent's house for lunch and I overheard Kate and my mom in the kitchen—obviously they did not know I was outside the door.

 _"_ _Grace how is the Coping Together Gala planning coming along? Can I help with anything?"_

 _"_ _It's coming along fine Kate. Mia is flying home from Paris to attend this year, and she has been doing a lot of the planning and organizing for me long distance. Oh! Did I mention that we received a large, anonymous donation a year ago?"_

 _"_ _No, you never said anything about it. It was anonymous, you say?"_

 _"_ _Yep. Nobody knows who made the donation….Kate why are you smiling? Do you know something and you're not telling me?"_

 _"_ _Grace, I can't say anything…"_

 _"_ _Kate Agnes Grey, what do you know?"_

 _"_ _OK Grace, you can't say anything to anybody…promise?"_

 _"_ _I promise. Now, what do you know?"_

 _"_ _It was Ana."_

 _"_ _Ana? Why did she make it anonymous?"_

 _"_ _Christian insisted that she take a large settlement from him in the divorce. As you know, there was no pre-nup, but Ana didn't want anything from him. He refused to sign the papers unless she accepted it, so she gave in with the intention of donating every penny to charity after the divorce was final. And she did. She gave it all to charities all over Washington State. She didn't keep a dime. She didn't want Christian to know that she gave the money away because she didn't want him interfering in her life anymore, and she figured he would have been livid if he knew what she had done. Please don't say anything, Grace. Ana told me this in confidence."_

 _"_ _Kate I will never tell as soul, but next time we all have lunch I am picking up the tab!"_

 _"_ _Deal. Now let's get lunch ready."_

I cannot believe it—Ana always told me she never wanted me for my money. She was serious. She played me like a fiddle. I always thought she gave in a little too easy during the divorce negotiations…now I know why. She always was smarter than me.

I have been celibate since that night at the Heathman. I have not yet been able to let myself be intimate with another woman. The guilt I still feel for the affair rears its ugly head when I think about a having a relationship with another woman...I feel like I would be cheating on Ana again.

I head out Saturday morning and make the drive in 2 hours. Ana was right...Leavenworth is a beautiful little town. I park in front of a small cafe and decide to go in and have lunch. I ask the waitress where a good place to stay is, and she recommends a B&B at the end of town. She looks out the window and sees my R8.

"Nice car. There's a girl in town that drives a white one like yours."

My feel my heart start to pound… _it can't be Ana, can it_?

"Do you know her name?" I ask the waitress, a little too anxious.

"No, but I'm new here. I have seen her a few times though. The other waitress might know her name…do you want me to ask her?"

"No…that's OK." I don't want to seem creepy, and I leave the waitress a nice tip and make my way out the door to my car and drive to the B&B, looking everywhere for a white R8, just in case it's Ana.

I pull up to the B&B and see there is a wedding in progress in the garden area out back, and I feel a pain in my heart as I remember our wedding and how happy we were that day. I walk around to the back of the building just in time to see the bride and groom kiss. They turn around and I hear the minister say "Ladies and Gentleman, my I introduce for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Luke Sawyer."

I just stand there in shock as I take everyone in: Ray, Kate, Elliot, Ava, EJ, my Mom and Dad, Hannah, Gail, and Taylor. There are also a dozen or so other people I don't recognize. As they all hug each other, congratulating the happy couple, I see Luke place his hands on Ana's tiny baby bump and kiss her on the cheek. She looks up and him, and kisses him back, and I can see happiness all over her face; she is glowing. He makes her happy.

I stumble back to my car and sit there for a while, shaking; my heart racing. It's really over…she has moved on and found love again. She has found a man who loves her, who will protect her, and is happy and willing to give her what I never would…a child. She has found a good man, not one who is 50 shades of fucked up.

I need to get out of here now before someone sees me and thinks I am stalking Ana.

Driving out of town I grab my phone and dial a number I swore I never would call again.

After 3 rings she picks up. "Elena, I need a sub tonight."

 **A/N**

 **Thank you to everyone who has followed and/or favorited this story and left reviews, good or bad.**

 **To the guest reviewer who commented that I only posted reviews that praised my story:**

 **I posted all reviews except for one…I deleted it because the guest reviewer made nasty comments aimed at the readers/reviewers who liked my story. I felt that the comments were inappropriate, and the review did not warrant being posted.**

 **To the rest of the basement dwelling, booger eating trolls who hide behind a guest log in and leave vile, despicable comments because you don't like a particular story, or how it's written, or how it ends, I would like to dedicate my favorite Rolling Stones song to you: "You Can't Always Get What You Want." Words to live by.**

 **Laters.**


	8. Outtake Ana and Luke

Ana POV

It's time for my monthly trip to Vancouver for the editors meeting.  
I've packed a bag and plan on staying for the weekend so I reserved a suite instead of a room. Luke is stopping by tomorrow night to do some upgrades on my computer and then we are having dinner. I didn't get to see him last month because he was out of town on a job for Taylor.

It's a 5 hour drive down there, so I lower the top of my R8 and head out. My meeting starts at 9 tomorrow morning and will take most of the morning and afternoon, and afterwards we are all going out for drinks to celebrate signing a new author. Everyone is going clubbing afterwards, but since I am meeting Luke for dinner I told them I couldn't join them this time.  
I arrived at the Hilton in Vancouver about 2:00, and after I checked in I was able to schedule a massage downstairs at the salon...luckily they had a cancellation so I was able to get in at the last minute.

An hour later I'm back in my room, totally relaxed after my massage, and I decided to order room service and relax for the rest of the evening and watch TV.

I'm up before my alarm the next morning, and after a long bath and breakfast I head to the office for the day to discuss new manuscripts, rejected manuscripts, new authors, and up and coming ones to watch. We give our inputs on our manuscripts and the group as a whole makes a decision. It's a good group of people and everyone respects each other's opinions.  
Finally 4:00 rolls around and we head out for the day, meeting down the street at a local pub for a few rounds before calling it a week.

I get to back to the hotel just before 6:00 when Luke calls and says he's on his way and should be there by 6:30. I take a quick shower and am just finishing my makeup when I hear a knock on door.  
I look through the peephole and see that it's him so I open the door to let him in. I haven't seen him in 2 months and I give him a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. I have missed him. He returns the hug, pecks me on the cheek too, and tells me I look great.  
"You're not too bad yourself, Mr. Sawyer" I tell him, earning me a little smile from him.

He is finally over his ex. fiancé...her betrayal really did a number on him. Since he was there for me during my divorce, I was there for him during his breakup, and as a result we became even closer friends...I guess you could call us best friends now.

"So, let's get your computer updated so we can go to dinner...I'm starving."

"You're always hungry" I tease him.

I walk over to the desk where it's sitting, sit down and turn it on for him and log in my password. As I'm sitting at the desk logging in, he walks up behind me, looking over my shoulder leaning into me, and I feel a fluttering in my chest that I haven't felt in a very long time. My heart rate increases and so does my breathing. I sit there not moving until he asks me to let him sit down.  
I stand up on shaky legs and move, allowing him to sit down.

"Ana, are you OK?" Luke asks me, but I notice his voice isn't as strong as it normally is.  
I just nod my head, and he sits down and starts working on my laptop. _What is going on?_ I think to myself.  
I excuse myself and walk to my bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. My face is flushed and that strange feeling I have in my chest is now moving south.  
 _Have I developed feelings for Luke?_  
I think back to all we've been through together, and although we have never had sex, we have shared more intimate moments with each other in the past 2 years than most couples do in their entire relationship. We have seen each other at our best and also at our worst; we know each other better than anyone else knows us. I trust him with my life and I feel safe with him.  
Holy shit. It hits me like a ton of bricks...I am attracted to Luke.  
Why now? What has happened to make me feel this way? Does he feel the same about me?  
I get ahold of myself and walk back into the living room where he's just finishing up on my laptop.  
"Do you want a drink before we head to dinner?" I ask him as I pour myself a glass of wine. I need something to calm my nerves right now.  
"Sure. I'll have a glass of wine." He says to me.

I pour him a glass and hand it to him, and he notices that my hand is shaking a little bit.  
"Ana, what's wrong? Your face was flushed earlier and now your hand is shaking. Are you feeling OK?"  
"I'm fine Luke. I haven't eaten today so I'm sure that's what it is. Let's go to dinner."  
I finish my wine and set the glass on the table and picked up my purse and we head out, my legs still a little weak. He puts his hand in the small of my back as we walk through the lobby and wait for the valet to bring around my car, and I feel my body tingle at his touch. He opens the door for me and then goes around and gets behind the wheel and we head out. I know he noticed my flushed face but didn't say anything. I can feel the sexual tension in the car all the way to the restaurant and all through dinner, and the glass of wine I had before and one with dinner did not help the situation at all. We chatted and laughed all through dinner like always, but the entire time I kept staring at his lips and wondering how soft they are and what it would be like making love to him.

 _Get ahold of yourself, Ana,_ my subconscious barks at me.

After dinner we headed back to the hotel, and because he wanted to see if the updates on my laptop were done, Luke came up with me. The ride up to my suite seemed to take forever, and the tension in the elevator was driving me crazy. He opened the door to my room and as soon and we walked in and closed the door he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me like his life depended on it. Immediately I started kissing him back and after a few minutes we broke apart and looked at each other, not saying anything, but we could both see lust in our eyes.  
I finally broke the silence "Wow. I need to sit down...I don't think my legs can hold me up for much longer" I told him as I walked to the couch and sat down.  
"Do you want a glass of wine?" He asks me, nervously.  
"No. I need a clear head right now" I said.

He sat on the couch next to me, looking down at his hands he began "Ana I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. I just lost control. I don't want this to affect our friendship...your friendship means more to me than anything in this world. I'm so sorry for what I just did."  
I just looked at him for a minute, and reached over and put my hand on his arm. "Luke, in case you didn't notice, I was kissing you back. If I wanted to stop you, I would have. I have feelings for you...I just realized that this afternoon. That's what was wrong with me earlier in the hotel room, and all the way to dinner. When you leaned over me at my computer, I felt the heat from your chest on my back and neck, and when I inhaled your scent, it ignited something in me that I hadn't felt in a long time."  
I leaned into him and kissed him very softly, running my tongue across his lip, asking for permission. He reached up and pulled me into him while deepening the kiss, as our tongues battled each other. He moaned, and laid me down on the couch, never pulling our lips apart.  
I could feel myself getting wet, and I let out a moan as he ran his tongue down my neck, trailing kisses as he went, and when he gently caressed my breasts through my blouse with his very adept hands, I reached around and squeezed his firm ass, pulling him into me, and I felt the massive bulge in his pants as he started grinding his hips into me. "Ana..." he groaned, looking down at me. "If we don't stop now, I don't think I will be able to. I need to be sure this is what you want before we go any further."

We broke apart again and sat up, my face flushed, and my panties soaking wet, and he was almost bursting out of his pants. I wanted him to make love to me right there on the couch but he was right, we did need to talk about this before we went any further. Once we became intimate our friendship would never be the same...we had to be sure we both wanted to pursue this.

We sat up all night talking, and we realized we had been attracted to each other for a while, but were both afraid to act on our feelings. We decided to take things slow, and not jump into bed right away, but to date for a while and let nature take its course.

4 weeks later Ana POV

It's been a month since Luke and I officially started dating, and I can feel myself falling in love with him. We see each other every weekend, and sometimes during the week when he's not working out of town I will drive down and stay for a few days. I have set up a makeshift office in his spare bedroom so I can work when I'm there. We still haven't slept together yet-I'm still nervous about being with another man, and he has been very understanding-but I'm going to remedy that this weekend.

He's been out of town for almost a week, and is driving up to my house when he gets back this afternoon. I am making his favorite dinner, my famous lasagna, and for dessert I'm going to surprise him. I went to the salon yesterday and had the works done, and also bought some sexy lingerie, so I am ready for whatever may happen.  
I hear my phone beep and I see it's a text from him, telling me he just landed and will be here about 6:00. I texted him back that I couldn't wait to see him again, and to let himself in when he gets here.  
I have a few hours before he arrives so I prepare the lasagna and will put it in the oven about 5 so it will be ready when he gets here.

I'm putting on my sexy new lingerie after my relaxing bath and I feel like a giddy school girl about to go on her first date when I hear the timer beep on the oven, letting me know I have 5 minutes before the lasagna is done. I finish getting dressed-I'm wearing a sexy red dress that hugs my body and shows off my curves-and walk into the kitchen, and as I'm taking the lasagna out of the oven to cool I hear a sexy voice behind me say "something smells good, and it's not dinner."  
I turn around and Luke is standing there with flowers in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other staring at me lustfully.  
"Wow...you look beautiful, Ana"  
I walk over to him, take the flowers and wine from him, setting them on the counter, and kiss him like there's no tomorrow.  
"I missed you" I say to him when we come up for air.  
He smiles at me before saying "I missed you more" and I feel my pulse quicken and my panties get wet.  
"What a nice surprise...you're earlier than I expected. Something tells me you didn't drive the speed limit on the way here."  
"Well, I was anxious to get here. I haven't seen your beautiful face in a week..." he smirks at me, then pushes me up against the counter as he kisses me, pressing his tongue gently against my lips, and I part them, granting him access. My knees weaken so I wrap my legs around his waist and can feel his erection digging into me. He continues his assault on my lips then moves down to my neck, and I moan loudly. "Luke...please" I beg.  
"What do you want baby?" He asks as he gently begins to massage my breasts through my dress.  
"You. I want you. Make love to me."  
He pulls back and looks at me, and I can see lust in his eyes.  
"Ana, baby, are you sure? We can wait if you aren't ready."  
"I'm ready Luke. Please, make love to me now" I plead with him.  
He doesn't say anything, just picks me up and carries me into my bedroom and sets me down next to the bed. His reaches behind me and slowly lowers the zipper on my dress, then pulls it all the way down, exposing me in my lacy new bra and panties.  
"God Ana, you're beautiful" he says as his eyes roam up and down me as I step out of my dress.  
"Mr. Sawyer, I think you're overdressed." As he starts to unbutton his shirt I drop down to my knees and unbuckle his pants, lowering them down his muscular thighs and kiss his erection through his boxer briefs. I smile up at him and hook my fingers in his briefs and pull them down, and as his huge cock springs free I run my tongue up and down his shaft before taking him in my mouth, sucking the tip, tasting the pre cum that is now leaking.  
"Ana" he groans, "God that feels good."  
I take him completely in my mouth, all the way down my throat, sucking him harder and harder.  
"Baby, OMG that feels incredible" he incoherently mumbles and puts his hands on my head as I continue to suck him harder.  
"Fuck, Ana I'm gonna cum!" He shouts. I reached around and grabbed his ass and pulled him further into my mouth, and a few seconds later I felt him explode, and his hot seed hit the back of my throat. I swallowed every drop and licked him clean before looking up and smiling at him.  
He reached down and pulled me up and then smashed his lips to mine, probing my mouth with his tongue. When he pulled away he had a look of awe on his face.  
"Wow, Ana. I've never had..." and before he could do finish the sentence I reached up and kissed him. I didn't want to hear about his past experiences...I wanted to make new ones with him.  
He reached behind me, unhooked my bra and dropped it on the floor  
before he pushed me down on the bed and climbed on top of me kissing me the entire time, while running his hand slowly down across my collarbone to my breasts. He gently massaged each of my breasts before running his tongue down and flicking my erect nipples, alternating sucking on them. That familiar, but long lost feeling started burning in my groin, and I arched my back in pleasure, moaning his name as I felt an orgasm starting to build. He slid his hand down and slipped 1, then 2 fingers in me. I was soaking wet and was barely holding on.  
"Luke..." I moaned." I couldn't form a sentence. It had been so long since I had felt this type of pleasure; a battery operated boyfriend just doesn't come close to the pleasure Luke was giving me. I felt his tongue slide down my belly and stop at my clit, and as soon as his tongue touched that bundle of nerves and he started sucking I couldn't hold on any longer and I screamed his name at the top of my lungs; I came so hard that I saw stars, and my body was shaking from head to toe.  
He looked up at me grinning, and after I was able to catch my breath a little he went back for seconds, and started kissing and licking my pussy while sliding his finger in and out of me, hitting my G spot  
"Oh God Luke, please," I moaned.  
"What, baby? What do you want?"  
"I need you inside me now" I managed to say.  
"I need to get a condom" he says as he goes to move off me.  
"No, don't. I'm on the shot. I haven't been with anybody since..." I didn't finish my sentence. I didn't want to ruin this by saying his name.  
"I'm clean too baby. I got tested again right after that night in the hotel when we decided to start seeing each other."  
He reached up and kissed me very gently and asked "Are you sure, Ana?"  
I nodded my head, and in felt him line up the tip of his rock hard cock at my entrance, and then he slowly slid into me.  
"Oh God, Luke!" I moaned as he pushed himself all the way in.  
"Ana, baby you feel so good" he whispers in my ear. "You're so wet and tight."  
"Luke, move please" I begged, and he picked up his pace, and really started to move. I felt another orgasm start to build and I knew I wouldn't be able to last much longer.  
"Harder Luke, harder!" I screamed at him, and he really started to pound into me.  
"God, Baby you feel so good. You're squeezing my cock so hard and I don't know how much longer I'm going last."  
He started moving faster and harder, then reached down and started rubbing my clit again, and that was enough to push me over the edge.  
I came again, moaning so loud that the neighbors probably heard me.  
"Ana I'm gonna cum again" he cried out, and then I felt him slam into me one last time before he stilled and poured himself into me; I could feel his cock pulsing as his hot load filled me up.  
He collapsed on top of me, and then rolled off onto his back. We both laid there for a few minutes, sated and trying to catch our breath. I rolled over on my side and ran my fingers over his chest, playing with his nipples and the hair on his chest.  
"Wow." I said to him. I didn't know what else to say. He smiled at me and said "Wow doesn't really cover it, but I'll go with it for now."

I knew at this point that I was truly in love with him. I know he feels deeply for me too, but I'm not sure if he's at the "in love with me" stage yet.  
"Uh oh, I'm leaking" I muttered, so Luke rolls over and grabs some tissues off my nightstand and cleans me up.  
"It appears that you had your dessert before dinner tonight, Mr. Sawyer" I said to him.  
"Well, if this is what dessert is going to be every time, I say we should have dessert first every time" he said, smirking at me, trailing his finger down the side of my face. "I'm thinking I am ready for another serving of dessert" he said, pulling me on top of him. He was already hard again, so I climbed on top and lowered myself down on his massive cock, and we lost ourselves in each other again.

It was past midnight when we woke up, both starving, and wandered into the kitchen and warmed up the lasagna that was still sitting in the counter. We both laughed that we were so preoccupied earlier that we completely forgot about it.

Luke stayed all weekend and the only time we left my bedroom was to shower and eat. We did foray into my hot tub Saturday night and of course we had to christen it.  
He got out to refill our wine glasses, so I actually got to admire his physique as he climbed out of the hot tub and walked naked across the living room to the kitchen. He really is a gorgeous man. His 6 pack abs, firm ass, massive thighs, and his finely sculpted chest were a sight to see. I had seen him shirtless before, but that didn't do justice to what I was oogling now.  
He caught me staring at him and said "Getting an eye full, are ya, Miss Steele?"  
I turned away, embarrassed that he caught me checking him out.  
He laughed at me, then said "It's OK baby. I've been doing that to you for a long time, but I never had the pleasure of seeing you naked until now, and may I say, it is a real pleasure! "  
That really made me blush, and when Luke got back in the hot tub I showed him again how much his body turned me on.

He left to go back to Vancouver early Monday morning-he was flying out for 10 days and had a 10:00 AM flight to catch. There was security breach at the offices of one of Jason's clients in Germany and since Luke was the most familiar with the system he was elected to go.  
I could feel tears burning my eyes when he kissed me goodbye in the dark. I didn't want him to leave, especially since I wouldn't be seeing him for 10 days after we just made love for the first time. We will Skype and text, but it's defiantly not the same a seeing and sleeping next to each other.

My monthly editors meeting was postponed until the week after next due to the bosses wife going into labor a week early, so I will be driving down again on the Wednesday Luke gets back, and will be staying with him for at least a week because he isn't scheduled to be out of town for that entire next week.

10 days later Ana POV

Damn this has been a long, lonely 10 days.

I just let myself into Luke's apartment and carried my bags into his bedroom and put my things away. It's 2:30 and his flight is due in a little after 4:00. I bought groceries so I could have dinner ready for him, but after what happened last time I made dinner for him, I decided we could call for takeout because I'm sure food is going to be the last thing on our minds when he get home...  
I walk into the bathroom to run a bath to freshen up before he gets home, and I decide to wear only a short silk robe and another set of my sexy new lingerie while I wait for him to arrive, because I'm pretty sure I know where we will wind up the minute he walks in the door.  
A little later I hear the door open and his keys rattle when he sets them on the counter.

"Ana? Where are you?"  
I come walking out of the bedroom in just my robe, and his jaw drops, and he stares at me.  
"Ana..." he says, and walks over and kisses me, taking my breath away. He pulls the sash on my robe, allowing it to fall open, and when he sees what I'm wearing he has lust in his eyes and says "God you're so beautiful. I missed you so much."  
"Me too, Luke. This has been then longest 10 days of my life." And I reach up and pull him to me and kiss him, pushing my tongue in his mouth and completely taking control of the kiss. When I pull away, I look him in the eyes, and take a deep breath. " _Ok Ana, just say it_ " my subconscious tells me.

"I love you." I said to Luke; those 3 little words I didn't think I would ever say to another man.

He looks at me for a second before saying "Ana, I love you too. I've been in love with you long before that night at the hotel, but I was too afraid to say anything. I didn't want to scare you off and risk losing the most important person in my life. I promise that I will never hurt you, or give you a reason to not trust me."

And, true to his word, he has kept every one of his promises.


	9. Chapter 9

**Many, many thanks to Debbie Hannon for all her help, encouragement, and bouncing ideas back and forth for weeks helping me finish this outtake.**

 **Hope you like it.**

 **I do not own FSOG**

Christian POV after Ana's wedding

I pull into the parking garage at Escala 2 hours after hanging up with Elena. She is supposed to meet me here with a sub later tonight. She was surprised, but happy to hear from me… she is still in the scene, supplying subs to wealthy doms.  
I'm still in shock about seeing Ana today…getting married and having a baby. I always had it in the back of my mind that someday we would meet up and get back together. I was delusional in thinking she would change her mind about having kids and give me another chance.  
I was so wrong.  
Ana is the only woman I will ever love; I will never allow myself to feel anything for anyone ever again. Tonight is going to be all about hard, raw fucking without feelings or emotions, just like it used to be.  
I feel myself getting anxious as I ride up in the elevator to my apartment. When I walk in, I stop and look around, and it hits me that Ana will never be here again. I can't kid myself any longer.

I walk to the bar and pour myself a generous amount of scotch and slam it down in one gulp, then fill my glass and do it again, then one more to help get me in the mood for tonight. The burn in my throat feels good.  
I haven't been in the red room since we divorced. I wandered in there the night I received the final divorce papers, but I couldn't handle it...all the memories of Ana and our kinky fuckery overwhelmed me and I dropped to my knees, sobbing and calling out her name.  
I woke up a few hours later on the floor and managed to pull myself up and stagger out, locking the door behind me. I have not been in there since; my new housekeeper cleans in there periodically, but I have refused to set foot in there until tonight.  
I really need a good session right now to release all the pent up anger from seeing Ana today.

The effects from the scotch are starting to take over, and I feel myself starting to boil with jealousy and rage.  
 _Fucking Sawyer.  
I always knew he had a thing for Ana.  
_I pour another drink and slam it down. _  
Yeah, I bet they were fucking like rabbits every chance they had the entire time we were married.  
He probably bent her over her desk and fucked her hard every day in her office. She probably loved it too.  
And she had the nerve to divorce me for cheating. Fucking whore. I bet it was his kid, too._  
 _Where the fuck is Elena? She was supposed to be here 30 minutes ago. I hope this sub doesn't have any hard limits..._

I hear the ping of the elevator door and the sound of heels clicking on the floor, coming towards my office.  
"Christian, dear, where are you?"  
The sound of her voice suddenly makes my skin crawl. This was a mistake.

 _Why the fuck did I call her?  
_ I walk out of my office, and standing in the middle of the great room I see the woman who ruined my life...the one who taught me that love is for fools, and convinced me that I should never have kids because I would make a terrible father. The pedophile.  
"Christian" she gushes, and walks over to me and gives me a kiss on the cheek as if we were old friends.  
"I've missed you. I was wondering when you were going to call me. I heard about your divorce...I can't believe it has taken you this long to call. I thought you would have called me as soon as you dumped that mousey little gold digger" she says with a wicked smile. "I have brought you my best sub. She has no hard limits. Welcome back, darling."  
I just stand there, frozen, not saying anything. My head is fuzzy from the scotch, and my heart is racing.  
I walk over to the girl, who is kneeling with her head down, looking at the floor.  
"No hard limits?" I ask her.  
"No, sir. You may do anything to me that you so desire. I want to please you, sir."  
"Elena, I will take it from here. Please show yourself out."  
She looks at me, dumbfounded that I have nothing else to say to her, and turns to walk away. "We'll talk tomorrow" she says, as she steps in the elevator.  
After the elevator doors close I turn to the sub "Stand" I command.  
She stands, never looking up.  
"Follow me" as I walk towards the Red Room. We walk in and I turn to her "Strip down to your panties, and kneel by the door. I'll be back. I hope you're ready...I'm going test your no hard limits" I say as I walk out.

I walk out of the red room and head to our bedroom. I still call it our bedroom ... I have not slept in there since the day Ana moved her things out. That day, after she left and Reynolds texted me that she was gone, I went back home, but when I walked into our bedroom and saw all of her clothes and personal things were gone I couldn't breathe. It really hit me that she was gone. And when I saw the little red Cartier box and her charm bracelet sitting on my dresser it was a slap in the face, a knife in my heart; It was Ana's final "fuck you" to me. I walked out, and haven't set foot in there since. I had my new housekeeper move all of my clothes into one of the spare bedrooms, and I have been sleeping in there or on the couch in my office ever since.

As I reach for the door knob I realize that my hand is shaking and my heart is racing even faster. I take a deep breath and push the door open and step in. Her scent, even after all this time, is still present. Over on my dresser still sits the Cartier box and I swear it speaks to me..."You called the Bitch Troll? How much lower can you fall, asshole?"  
My knees are weak, but I make my way to the closet where my playroom jeans are. My housekeeper moved them into the other bedroom when she moved my other clothes, but I had her put them back in here...I couldn't bear to look at them...I don't know why I even kept them. As I pick them up and run my hand over the soft material, all the memories of our times in the red room come flooding back, but in my alcohol induced stupor, it's not me and Ana in the red room, but Sawyer and Ana. My jealous rage comes back immediately, and I quickly change into my jeans and start to walk out when I see the red Cartier box mocking me. I pick it up and throw it across the room as hard as I can, screaming at the top of my lungs, then walk out of the bedroom, slamming the door as hard as I can.

When I get to the Red Room door, I remember that there are no canes or belts or whips in there, so I go to my closet and grab a belt, and then to the library and get pool cue off the pool table. I unscrew it and look at both pieces and decide they will both do, and then head back to the red room.  
I walk in and the sub is kneeling exactly where I left her.  
"Stand" I order. "Do not look at me."  
When she stands up I order her to the spanking bench and tell her to bend over. "No hard limits and a high tolerance to pain, huh? Let's see if you are lying," and I snap the belt as hard as I can across her ass. She lets out a small cry but doesn't safe word.  
I hit her again and again and again, but she never safe words. After several more strikes I'm breathing hard and I have sweat running down my back. "Turn around and open your mouth" I order. As I unzip my pants to take out my cock but it's a limp as a wet noodle.

 _What the_ _fuck?_

This has never happened to me. I grab some lube and start stroking myself, but still nothing happens.  
 _What the fuck is wrong with me?_  
I shove myself into her mouth and tell her to suck, but after a few minutes nothing happens...my cock just hangs there, lifeless. I pull out of her mouth and scream at her to get the fuck out. She gathers her clothes and runs as fast as she can out the door.  
I collapse to the floor and sit there, staring at the belt that I dropped, until I fall asleep.

I woke up a few hours later when the alcohol finally wore off, and I dragged myself to my feet and walked out of the red room for the last time, locking the door behind me. I will have Reynolds call someone next week to have it dismantled.  
I realized that calling Elena was the 2nd biggest mistake I have ever made.

 _I don't need this shit anymore. I need to get my head straight. I need help.  
_  
I walk into my office and pick up my phone. "Dr. Martensen? I need to talk. This is an emergency."

"Christian it's 4:00 in the morning. What's going on that couldn't wait a few hours?" Dr. Martensen sleepily asks.  
"I saw Ana today."  
"OK. You knew that was going to happen sooner or later. Her best friend is married to your brother, and Ana is also still in contact with your parents. So what happened? Did you guys talk to each other?"  
"No. She never saw me." I then told her about the wedding, and the rage and jealousy I felt when Luke placed his hand on her baby bump and kissed her.  
"Let's talk about the rage. Was it aimed at Ana or Luke, or at yourself?"  
"Everybody. Seeing her pregnant just made me realize that she truly no longer is just mine. Another man has had what's mine, and I couldn't handle it."  
"Christian we talked about this over and over. Ana was never was 'yours'. She was your wife, your lover, you best friend—Ana is a person, not a possession." She pauses for a few seconds before continuing "So, what happened after you saw her?"

"I left."

"And what else?"

I was too ashamed to admit that I called Elena, so I just sat there, not saying anything, just staring at the phone.  
"Christian I can't help you if you won't talk to me. What else do you need to tell me?"  
I take a deep breath before speaking "I called Elena to get me a sub."  
I think I shocked her because she didn't say anything for a minute.  
"Elena. As in the woman who introduced you to BDSM and sexually abused you when you were 15? The same woman you said you cut completely out of your life before you got married?"

"Yes" was all I could mutter.

"Why, Christian?"

"It was a just a reaction. I was so pissed off at Ana when I saw her pregnant and kissing Luke, and I just lost it. I wasn't thinking. I fell back on what I knew to deal with my anger."

"Why were you mad at Ana? You two are divorced because you cheated on her. What she does is no longer any of your business or concern. "

"What she does will always concern me" I state, matter of factly.

"Why do you think her life is still any of your business? You told me that you accepted the fact that one day Ana would move on and find someone else. And she has."

"No, I accepted the fact that we are divorced. I never accepted the fact that she would move on and find someone else."

"Excuse me? We discussed this in depth on several occasions. You said that you had accepted responsibility for your actions and that you were willing to let Ana go for good."

"I always knew that sometime down the road Ana would forgive me and we would get back together. I figured she would need time to cool off and think things through, and after she started seeing a therapist for a while she would be willing to give me another chance. I never believed for a moment that she would move on with someone else. I was obviously wrong." I snarled.

"How did you get Elena's number?"  
Sheepishly, I admitted that I never deleted it from my contacts. I just changed the name so Ana wouldn't see her name if she ever looked at my phone.  
"So have you seen or spoken to Elena since you claim you cut all ties with her?"  
"No. Not since my birthday party before we got married. That was the last contact I had with her."  
"But you kept her number just in case? You lied to Ana about that your entire marriage as well" she said, not expecting an answer.

I did not know what to say. Again, I am overcome with shame and guilt. Ana never stood a chance of a happily ever after with me.

 _I really am a selfish prick,_ I think to myself.

"Christian. Tell me about the sub. What happened to make you call me in the middle of the night?"

"I was in my office when Elena arrived. The minute I heard her voice I knew that I had made a mistake calling her, but my ability to think clearly was clouded from all the scotch I had just consumed. I told Elena to leave, and I took the sub to the Red Room and told her to strip."

I then told her about going into our bedroom and seeing the red Cartier box on my dresser and how I lost it, throwing it across the bedroom.  
I took a deep breath, looked at my hands and said "I walked back into the red room and told her to bend over the spanking bench, and I went to town on her with a belt. I wailed on her. I lost track of how many times I hit her. She claimed she had no hard limits and a high tolerance to pain, and she wasn't lying. I took out all of my anger on her and she took every bit of it. I told her to turn around because I was going to have her suck my cock before I fucked her, but when I unzipped my pants my dick was just hanging there, limp. I tried stroking myself to get hard but that didn't work, so I shoved it in her mouth and told her to suck me off. After a few minutes of her sucking me nothing happened, so I screamed at her to get out, and then I sat on the floor, reflecting on just how bad I had fucked up my life. The great Christian Grey, Master Dom of Seattle, couldn't get it up. How pathetic. I finally fell asleep, and when I woke up I decided I didn't need any of that shit anymore. I finally realized that Ana was never coming back to me, and I needed help dealing with that."

After several more months of intense therapy I have finally accepted that Ana and I are done. I fought it, still holding onto a small thread of hope that Ana and Luke wouldn't make it, and she would come running back to me, but that just didn't happen.

One day, about 6 months after the sub incident, I was at my parents' house when my mom got a call from Kate that Ana had gone into labor the night before and had given birth to a healthy baby boy a few hours later. I felt a tug at my heart, but then I smiled a small smile for Ana. She finally has everything she wanted. Her life is complete.

Several months later I was in a coffee shop in Seattle when I noticed a petite brunette woman sitting at a table by herself, reading a magazine. She saw me looking at her and smiled back at me…she had the bluest eyes…

Her name is Meredith Patterson. She is a paralegal in a small family practice law office, and she moved to Seattle 2 years ago after her divorce. We sat and talked for almost an hour before I finally worked up the nerve to ask her to dinner. She accepted, but wanted to meet me at the restaurant rather than have me pick her up. We agreed on 7:00 Friday night at a small Italian place I found a few months ago...she didn't strike me as the type who would be comfortable at a restaurant like Canlis, and I didn't want to overwhelm her with the "Christian Grey experience" on our first date.

As soon as I got back to the office I had Welch run a background check on her and I told him I wanted it immediately.  
Ah hour later I hear a ping in my inbox...Welch works fast.

She is 32 years old, divorced and no children. She and her ex-husband lived in Bend, Oregon and were married for almost 7 years.  
Welch included copies of police reports and a restraining order she had filed against him...apparently he was physically abusive to her, which was the reason for the divorce. I'm pretty sure as soon as I tell her about my fucked up past, if we even get past a first date, she will run for the hills...  
Friday night rolls around and I'm as nervous as a teenager going on his first date. I'm sitting outside the restaurant in my car waiting for her to arrive. I've been here for 30 minutes already just in case she showed up early.  
Finally I see her pull into the parking lot, so I walk to the front door and wait for her to walk up.  
She looks beautiful in a dark blue dress which accentuates her eyes, and her long brown hair shines as it falls straight down her back.  
"You look beautiful tonight, Meredith" I tell her.  
She blushes before telling me "Thank you."  
We walk in and I tell the hostess "Reservation for Grey."  
She leads us to our table and I pull her chair out for her.  
The waitress comes by and to take our drink orders and I order a bottle of wine for us while we both study the menu and make small talk.  
A few minutes later the waitress returns with our wine and asks if we are ready.  
I ask Meredith if she wants me to order for her since I have eaten here before, and I give the waitress our orders and she disappears.

I ask her about herself, and she tells me about her job, and a little about her childhood and growing up in Northern California, and her college years... where she met her ex-husband. She didn't go into a lot of detail about their divorce but I didn't expect her to yet. I told her I was adopted when I was 4, and about my parents and siblings. I told her I was divorced too, but didn't volunteer any info either. She had heard of GEH but didn't know anything about me, which actually was a relief. _Maybe she isn't interested in me for my money._

Before I know it, it is 10:00 and the restaurant is closing. I can't believe we sat there for 3 hours talking and laughing. I haven't felt this relaxed in a long time.  
We get up to leave and when she's not looking I leave the waitress $1000 since we occupied one of her tables for 3 hours.  
I walk her to her car and ask if she would like to come for lunch on Sunday. She smiles and accepts, and this time agrees to let me pick her up.  
I lean in and give her a kiss goodnight, and she responds and kisses me back. When we finally break apart I feel my dick start to twitch, and when she feels it she blushes and smiles back at me.  
"Thank you for a wonderful evening, Christian. I'm looking forward to Sunday."  
"Me too. I'll pick you up at 12:00."  
I give her one more quick kiss before I turn and walk away, grinning like a fool.

That was over a year ago.

We took our relationship slow, as we were both nervous about starting over. We gradually built up enough trust with each other and started sharing our pasts with each other. She told me about her ex-husband, how he was the love of her life when they got married. But after a few years he started changing and became abusive…at first it was verbal abuse, but then it slowly became physical. One night he came home from work drunk and beat her so bad she wound up in the hospital, and that's when she finally got up the courage, with the help of friends and family, to call the police and file charges against him and file for divorce. He got some jail time and probation, and she still has a restraining order against him that she keeps current just in case.

He has never tried to contact her again, and I also have security keeping tabs on him as well.  
I told her some of my past with BDSM, but I assured her I was no longer interested in that lifestyle.  
Neither of us wants children, so I had a vasectomy so there wouldn't be any accidents. I finally told her about my divorce and explained what happened. I wanted her to understand that having children would never be an option, and she was fine with that.  
We fit together very well. She is fine with me making the decisions in our relationship...my controlling nature is never going to go away. Our sex life is good...I admit I was nervous the first time we slept together; after what happened that night with the sub I was worried about performance, but that has never been an issue with us.

I know I swore that I would never get married again, but here we are, 20 months from our first date, in a suite at the Bellagio getting married tonight.  
It's going to be a small ceremony with only our immediate families present. Elliot is again my best man, and Meredith's younger sister Victoria is her maid of honor.  
I had to go downstairs and meet with the concierge for some last minute details, and when I got back to our suite I could hear Meredith and her sister talking in the other bedroom where she's getting ready for the ceremony.

"So, Mer...Tell me about Mr. Gorgeous. What's he really like? He looks like he's packing a whopper... Is he good in bed?"  
A few seconds pass before she answers  
"I love him Vicki, but honestly, he can be a high handed, controlling ass. It's his way or the highway, and if he doesn't get his way he sulks like a child until he finally does. And his mood swings...don't even get me started on those. I think he loves me, but I'm not sure if he is in love with me…I know that he's still madly in love with his ex-wife, and I don't think he will ever get over her. I feel like he's constantly comparing us, and I always come up short" she says sadly.  
She sighs before continuing  
"But, you are right about his dick...he's huge...it's the biggest one I have ever seen, but he has no clue how to use it. He's very skilled with his fingers and his tongue, and he brings me to orgasm every time that way, but when it comes to fucking, I wind up faking orgasms more often than I have them. I'm sure it, again, has everything to do with his ex. Even though they are divorced I think he feels like he's cheating on her every time we have sex, and he hurries to finish, leaving me hanging and frustrated. He finishes before me."

 _WTF?! She fakes orgasms? I don't satisfy her?_

"His dad insisted on a pre-nup, but he was fair about it. I'll be taken care of if we don't work out. I really don't see us lasting unless he gets over his ex. Believe me, sis, if it weren't for his money there's no way in hell I would marry him...there's just too much baggage. I'm going to ride this gravy train as long as I can."

I cannot believe what I am hearing. I had no clue she felt like that. I feel rage and anger start to build, so I close my eyes and start to count; I need to calm down before I confront her.  
I am beyond pissed. I turn and walk away, trying to absorb everything.

How did I miss this? How did I let her fool me? She tells me all the time she loves me, and I love her too…but am I in love with her? I know I will never love anyone as I loved Ana. Do I constantly compare her to Ana?  
It's not right that I make her live in Ana's shadow. She has not once compared me to her ex…she has never talked about him since she told me about the divorce and abuse. I feel no jealousy towards him at all. I suddenly feel guilty for making her feel this way.

Maybe we should move and start fresh in a house with no memories of Ana. But can I enter into a marriage that is probably doomed from the start?

" _You dumbass you already did that with Ana, and look how that turned out_ " my subconscious snarls at me.

I need to change if I'm going to make this marriage work. I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. I need to get a better handle on my controlling tendencies, and she needs to start communicating with me.

Or maybe I should just tell her to fuck off, that I don't need a gold digging bitch in my life. Maybe I should just walk out of here and never look back.  
I stand there thinking for a few minutes, then take a deep breath and walk towards the room. I open the door and look at her. "We need to talk..."

After our talk, where we exchanged some very heated words and we both shed a few tears, we decided to go ahead with the marriage. We agreed that both of us need to work harder on our communication. I know that she will never be Ana, nor will I ever be Meredith's lost love, but we are going to try and be there for each other more openly.

I'm nervously standing here, waiting at the altar, hoping she shows up after our talk. Finally the doors open, and she starts walking down the aisle with her father. She is smiling at me. She looks beautiful.

She takes her place next to me, and as I reach out and take her hand I lean down and kiss her on the cheek and smile back at her, and we both turn and face the minister.

Everyone deserves a second chance.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ok—here is the third and final outtake for my story. I hope you like it.**

 **Thank you to all of you who have read my story.**

 **I do not own FSOG.**

 **Ana POV**

Luke and I have been together for 9 months now. I never thought I would be this happy and in love again. I didn't think I could love another man as deeply as I loved Christian, but I was wrong. Where Christian cherished me like a possession, Luke cherishes me as a person, his other half. There is mutual respect between us, and despite both of us being deceived by our ex's, there are no trust or jealousy issues with us. I don't worry about Luke going caveman when another man looks at me or talks to me, and my green eyed monster doesn't come out whenever women look at or flirt with Luke. We chose each other, we are devoted to each other and we both know it. End of story.

It's Monday morning and I am making breakfast for Luke before he heads out for work. After less than 2 months we moved in together…splitting time between my house in Leavenworth and his apartment in Vancouver. For the last 3 months we have mostly been at my house, though. Jason picked up cyber security contracts with 2 of the biggest banks in Washington, and since they have several branches throughout northern Washington he assigned Luke to those clients so now he doesn't have to go back and forth to Vancouver as often. It works out perfect, since I still go to Vancouver once a month for my editor's meeting, Luke will go with me, like he did this trip, and check in at the office with Jason. He still has to go out of town for a few days here and there if something comes up, but it's not nearly as often as before. There's a small airport 30 minutes from Leavenworth in Wenatchee, and if has to, he can catch a flight back and forth to Portland if he has to be there right away. He leaves his car in Vancouver so he always has something to drive if he has to fly down instead of driving down with me.

I hear Luke talking on his phone as he walks into the kitchen "OK T, I'll be there in an hour. Yes, she's here…she's headed back later this morning. Will do. Later."

He looks at me and smiles before walking over giving me a kiss. "Taylor says hi, and Gail wants to know when you are going to stop by and visit. She hasn't seen you for 2 months."

"I'll do it next trip down. I have an appointment with Dr. Greene later this morning to get my shot, and then I'm meeting Kate for lunch before I go home."

He looks at me with a funny look on his face, and after a minute he quietly says "How would you feel about skipping your shot?"

I stare at him, not quite understanding what he is getting at "What do you mean?"

"I'm saying don't get your shot."

Neither of us says anything, and then I can't stop from smiling. We have talked about having kids…we both want them, but never actually discussed when.

"Are you saying you want to start trying for a baby, Luke?"

He nods his head and smiles back at me, and I run and jump into his arms. "Really? Are you sure?"

He laughs and says "Yes, I'm sure. I love you and I would love to have kids with you and I know you feel the same. I've been thinking about this for a while, but didn't know how to bring it up to you. When you mentioned getting your shot just now it seemed like the right time to bring it up."

I don't think I could love him anymore than I do now. "Call Jason and tell him you're going to be late" I tell him as I grab his hand and lead him to our bedroom so we could start trying right then.

I kept my appointment with Dr. Greene, but instead of getting my shot I had her give me a complete physical, and then we discussed how long it would take me to get pregnant after stopping the shot.

"Ana it can take anywhere from 2 months to a year for you to become pregnant once you stop the shot—it varies with every person. Personally, off the record, I don't see it taking you that long because you did get pregnant on the shot due to the antibiotics you were taking. Don't get discouraged if it doesn't happen right away... And as always, please don't hesitate to call me if you have any questions or concerns.

I walk out of her office on cloud 9. The euphoria I am feeling is indescribable. I can't believe we are trying to have a baby. Life couldn't get any more perfect.

 **Ana POV 2 months later**

It's Thursday afternoon and Luke has been out of town since Sunday night, so we are taking a long weekend and going out of town to go fishing. He has a friend who owns a small cabin on the Olympic Peninsula and we are borrowing it this weekend for a quick getaway. I haven't been fishing in years, and I am really looking forward to this trip. My dad used to take me fishing quite often when I was a kid…they were great father-daughter bonding trips, and I really cherish those memories.

I just finished packing our suitcases when Luke walks in the bedroom.

"Are you almost ready to leave?" he asks as he walks in the door.

"Yep!" I excitedly exclaim. "I have our bags packed and ready to be loaded into the SUV. I figured we could stop at a grocery store close to the cabin instead of stopping here and then having to pack everything in ice chests."

"Sounds good to me. I'm going to change my cloths and then we can head out."

"OK. I need to send a few emails…I'll do that while you change your clothes. I'll be done by the time you change."

I head to my office and he heads to our bedroom. 5 minutes later I am waiting for him in the kitchen, and after a few minutes he walks in carrying the suitcases.

"OK Miss. Steele-let's get a move on" he says as he swats me on my ass, laughing.

We climb into my Escalade and head out; I feel so giddy about going on this trip. We've taken a few short trips together, but for some reason this trip has me really excited. I can't wait to see this cabin. Luke said it's small, but cozy... nothing fancy but it has everything we need to be comfortable.

We pull into the small market in town on the way to the cabin and get what we need for the next 3 days. Nothing fancy—steaks, hamburgers, hot dogs, s'mores, bacon and eggs and pancake mix…although we did bring a few good bottles of wine from home. Since we decided to start trying to have a baby I have quit drinking, but I took a pregnancy test earlier today and it came back negative so I will indulge a little this weekend.

We arrive at the cabin a few hours before dark, and it's exactly like Luke described…it has 2 bedrooms, a full bath, a secluded hot tub on the porch, and a big, beautiful rock fireplace in the living room.

We carried in our groceries and luggage, and put everything away and then sat back and took in the view. I could stay here forever. No TV, laptops, or cell phones for the weekend either…just the 2 of us, and I have after seeing the rug in front of the fire place, I definitely have plans for tomorrow night…

After dinner we snuggled on the couch together, drinking wine, talking and relaxing in each other's arms; just enjoying the peace and quiet and serenity of the moment. After we finished the bottle of wine we made our way to the bedroom and spent the rest of the night lost in each other making love.

The next morning I wake to the smell of bacon frying and coffee brewing. I walk into the kitchen and my sexy man is dressed already and fixing breakfast.  
"Good morning beautiful" he says and he walks over and kisses me gently on my lips. "I figured that after last night's activities you would be famished, so I made you breakfast" he said as he grins at me.  
I blush as I remember last night...it was one of the most passionate times we have had... Luke was insatiable last night, and he spent the entire night worshipping my body with an intensity I have yet to experience with him. Afterwards I fell into an orgasm induced coma, which the smell of breakfast finally brought me out of.  
"I didn't think I would ever walk again after last night, Mr. Sawyer, but rest assured, I will repay the favor tonight."  
He smiles at me and sets my breakfast down in front of me, with a strange look on his face that I haven't seen before, almost like he's hiding something, and I get a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. _"Don't go there, Ana"_ my subconscious snarls at me. _  
_I sit down to breakfast while Luke gathers our fishing gear and takes it down to the dock where he already has the boat tied up.  
I finish my breakfast and put the dishes in the sink and start to pack a lunch for us, still feeling a little uneasy about the strange look on Luke's face.  
He comes back a few minutes later and grabs the ice chest "Are you almost ready? Don't forget sunscreen...it's supposed to be sunny all day and I don't want you to burn."  
"Yep I'm ready. Smallest fish has to cook dinner tonight!" I exclaim and I walk down to dock and step in the tiny boat. It wobbles as I step in, causing me to lose my balance and almost fall overboard.  
Luke laughs at me as I not-so-gracefully sit down on the center seat, so I splash him as he steps in and sits down at the back of the boat. "You better stop that Miss Steele or I'll pick you up and toss you in" he threatens me with a wicked grin on his face.  
He pulls the cord on the motor a few times and after it coughs and sputters it finally starts and we head out across the lake.  
After a few hours it warms up enough and I take off my sweatpants and hoodie and lay back, basking in the warm sun. The warmth relaxes me, and soon I feel myself dozing off... the fish haven't been biting too much this afternoon to bother us so I just laid back and took in the sunshine. Luke just reeled in our lines a few minutes ago and re baited them and cast them back out.  
"Ana...you have a bite" he anxiously tells me, and I quickly sit up and start to reel in my line. I don't feel anything when I'm reeling it in "I think I lost it" I tell him as I continue to reel in.  
"Bring it in and I'll bait it again for you." Again he has that strange look on his face.  
As I reel it in and bring the end of the line in the boat I see something at the end of the line, and I bring it over to me so I can see what it is.

OMG! A diamond ring!

I look up at Luke, and he has gotten down on 1 knee in the boat, and is looking at me with a huge smile on his face.  
I put my hands over my mouth, and I can feel the tears start to run down my face as he unhooks the ring from the fishing line and holds it up to me.  
"Ana, I love you with every ounce of my being. I want to have children with you and spend the rest of my life with you. Will you please make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?

"Yes! Yes. OMG. Yes I'll marry you" I shout as I start laughing. He slides the ring on my finger and reaches up to kiss me.  
"I love you so much" I tell him, and as I jump over to reach out and hug him, I rock the boat too much and we both tumble over the side into the cold water.  
"Aghhhh" I scream out when I get my head back above water. Luke is laughing, as he pushes me back into the back, and then climbs back in.

"Let's go baby—we can jump in the hot tub to warm up."

I am too cold to say anything so I just nod my head and hold on.

When we get to the dock he secures the boat and we both climb out and run to the house. When we get to the porch we start tearing each other's clothes off as fast as we can and then climb in the hot tub, completely submerging ourselves to warm up.

After a few minutes, when I am finally warm again, I scoot over and straddle him, wrapping my arms around his head and pulling him towards me, kissing him with as much passion as I can put into it. Our tongues battle each other, and I slowly run my hands down his chest , then reach down and grab his cock, stroking him a few times before I line him up and slide down on him, taking him in as deep as I can. I sit on him for a few minutes, just enjoying how good he feels inside me, and then I slowly start to move up and down, stroking him as I stare into his eyes. "I love you so much l" I whisper to him, and I start to pick up my pace. He reaches down and starts to rub my clit with his thumb, making me moan into his mouth. "Agghhh Luke!" I groan. I arch my back and he takes one of my nipples into his mouth, flicking it with his tongue, then he does the same to the other one, making me clench around him as I moan even louder.

He then grabs my hips and starts bucking into me harder and harder, driving his cock deeper into me. I can feel my orgasm building and I know I won't be able to hold on much longer. "Harder, Luke! " I groan, and a minute later I am going over the edge, screaming his name. I keep riding him through my orgasm, and a few seconds later I feel him buck hard and then still as he moans my name and empties himself inside me. We sit there for a few minutes holding each other before either one of us says anything.

"I love you, Ana. So much" he pants, as he pulls me to him and kisses me softly. "You have no idea how happy you make me. Not just today when you said yes, but from the first time we kissed I've never been happier. I've never felt for anyone what I feel for you. My life changed that night in your hotel room. I thank God every day for you."

I have tears in my eyes as I lean in and kiss him. I can't put into words what I am feeling right now, so I don't say anything; I just smile and pull him close to me, holding him, listening to him breathe, feeling his warmth against me, basking in the love I feel for him. Luck was with me when we connected as a couple... He is my everything—he and our future children are more than I could have ever hoped for, or ever dreamt of finding again. I am so excited for our future to begin as husband and wife.

The next morning as we are cuddled in bed, Luke looks at me and asks "When do you want to get married?"

"Soon. I don't want a long engagement. I don't see a reason to wait." After I answer I look at him "What about you—when do you want to get married?"

He smirks at me then says "How about this afternoon?"

"What?" I shriek.

"I'm just kidding. But I agree with you—I don't want a long engagement either. A quiet, small wedding will be fine with me. Just close friends and family—nothing fancy."

"OK. Now how about where? Did you have any place in mind?"

"Not really. I haven't thought that far out. I was only thinking about this weekend" he says as he rolls over on top of me and we get lost in each other for the rest of the morning.

Sunday afternoon we pack up and head out after our mini vacation. I can't wait to tell my dad and Kate the good news. My dad really likes Luke—he knew Luke was taking care of me and watching over me when he couldn't be there, and was thrilled when we started seeing each other.

He also has a bond with Luke as they were both in the Army—they served years apart, but still there is a bond between military men.

The next morning after Luke leaves for work I sit in my office reviewing a manuscript, but am finding it hard to concentrate. By lunch, I give up and decide to go to town and have lunch at the little café. As I am driving through town I see the little B&B off to the right and I remember the wedding that was in process when I drove up here years ago. On a whim, I pull in to talk to them about having our wedding here. It is perfect—small and quaint—exactly what Luke said he wanted.

I walk up to the reception desk and ring the bell. I can hear someone on the phone in the back office. A minute later an older lady comes out from the office "Yes—can I help you?" she says…he has a warm, motherly smile, and I am glad that I stopped in.

I smile back at her "Yes. I would like information about possibly having my wedding here."

"Well, congratulations to you and your fiancé. Let me look up and see what dates we have available. We are pretty booked for the rest of the summer, but I just had a cancellation as you walked in the door."

She brings up the calendar and she was not kidding…I see only a few dates available for the rest of the year.

"Now the cancellation I just had was for September—the weekend of the 10th. That's about 3 months out so it would give you a little time to plan and make arrangements. Would that work for you?"

I just smiled…that's a perfect date. 'Yes. I need to speak with my fiancé about it, but can we pencil us in for that Saturday now to hold it? I will talk to him tonight and let you know tomorrow for sure."

"We can also do the catering, cake, flowers, invitations; anything you might need. Because of the cancellation there are now rooms available, so you or your guests can spend the night after the wedding if that is something you would interested in..we do have a nice bridal suite. Do you have an idea of how many guests you will be inviting?"

"Not many—we want a very small, intimate wedding with family and close friends only. I would guess no more than 25 people." I tell her.

She hands me a brochure of all the services they offer, and I promise to call her back tomorrow and let her know one way or the other.

Luke got home from work about 5:30 and I am anxiously waiting to talk to him. After reading over the brochure this afternoon, I was surprised that they will be able to handle almost all of the arrangements. They have a menu from which we can choose for dinner, and they work with the bakery here in town so we can order our cake through them as well. This will be so much easier and less stressful.

He walks it the kitchen and kisses my neck before asking "What are you smiling about?"

I told him about going to the B&B and showed him the brochure and told him how they can take care of most of the arrangements for us. "However, they are booked for the rest of the summer, but had a cancellation this morning….for September 10th…"

He looked at me and smiled…"Is that date OK with you?"

I grinned at him "Yes. I couldn't ask for a better birthday present than you."

"Well then, it sounds like we have determined when and where we are getting married!"

I jumped into his arms and we both laughed

"God, I love you, Ms. Steele. I can't wait to marry you."

"Me too, Mr. Sawyer. Now let's go celebrate."

He carried me to our bedroom, and we celebrated for the rest of the night and into the morning.

I called my dad the next day and he was ecstatic when I told him we were getting married, and he was even happier when I asked him to walk me down the aisle again. He has been there for me my entire life, and even though this is my second marriage, I still want him by my side as I start my life with Luke.

When I called Kate and told her, she shrieked so loud that it almost pierced my ear drum. I asked her to again be my maid of honor, and she happily accepted. I don't think I would be where I am if I didn't have her to lean on these past 4 years. She helped get me through the darkest part of my life, and I am grateful to have her as my friend and sister.

After I hung up with Kate, I drove back to the B&B and confirmed the reservation and left a deposit with Barb, the owner/manager. I told her we would love to have them handle all the arrangements too, and I would be getting back with her in the next few weeks with everything we would need.

Now all I need to do is find dresses for me and Kate. I'll make a reservation at one of the bridal shops in Vancouver in a few weeks, and we can spend the day picking out our dresses and catching up. I didn't want to do it in Seattle in case someone recognizes me...After the news of our divorce quieted down and I moved to Leavenworth, I haven't been bothered by the paps- nobody here knows who I am and I want to keep it that way.

 **1 month later**

Luke has been out of town all week, and is due home tonight about 8:00; I have a special surprise for him when gets home. He called me from the airport in Wenatchee and he should be home in about 30 minutes. Dinner is done and is in the warmer, and I have time for a quick shower.

40 minutes later I hear him walk in the door—he is talking on his phone so I wait in the living room for him.

He ends his call and walks in the living room and sets his briefcase down and takes me in his arms and kisses me like he hasn't seen me in a month. "I missed you" he says as he nibbles on my ear.

"I missed you too. I'm so glad you're home."

We walk in the kitchen, and as I am serving up our dinner he asks me what I want to drink.

"I'll just have some water" I tell him, and he gives me a funny look.

"Are you feeling OK? You always have wine with dinner."

"I'm fine—I just want a glass of water."

We chit chat through dinner—he tells me what he was doing in Portland— setting up a security system for a client in Portland and had to train the security people on how to use it. He didn't say who it was; just that he was a Judge and had been receiving threats since he starting presiding over a high profile case a few weeks ago.

We finished dinner and I told him I had a surprise for him, and handed him a gift wrapped box.

He looked at me with a quizzical look on his face and then opened the box.

It was a little onesie and it read "Daddy's fishing buddy" on the front. I thought it was appropriate considering how he proposed to me.

His eyes were as big as saucers and when he looked at me he had the biggest smile on his face.

"Really? You're pregnant? We're having a baby?" He shouts. I nod at him, and he picks me up, twirling me around the kitchen, laughing and hugging me at the same time.

"I'm gonna be a daddy!" He exclaims. "How far along are you?"

"Well, the doctor said I'm about 4-5 weeks along. I'm thinking it happened on our weekend getaway. I just found out this week. Tuesday I was in town shopping, and when I walked in the coffee shop, the smell made me so nauseas that I barely made it to ladies room. I came home and took a pregnancy test, and it was positive. I called Dr. Greene and made an appointment and saw her Wednesday, and she confirmed it. Look in the bottom of the box."

He takes out and envelope and opens it and takes out the ultrasound picture of Baby Sawyer.

He stares at it, with a look of wonder on his face, and very slowly I can see his eyes start to tear up a little. He hugs me as tight as he can, and whispers "Thank you, Ana. Thank you" in my ear.

 **2 months later**

I can't believe Luke and I are getting married today. These last 3 months have flown by. I let Barb take care of all the arrangements—Luke and I decided on the menu, the cake, the flowers, and invitations, and told her what we wanted and she handled it all for us.

Kate and I chose our dresses at the shop in Vancouver, although I have had to have my altered a bit since I now have a tiny baby bump.

Luke asked Jason to be his best man, and he happily accepted, and Ava will be our flower girl.

We only invited a handful of people to the wedding— Luke's parents and his older brother, a few close friends from our work; Lisa, my therapist, and Hannah-we have stayed in touch and meet up for lunch when I have to go to Seattle for whatever reasons.

I asked Luke how he felt about inviting Grace and Carrick, and he was fine with it. I divorced their son, not them, and I have stayed in touch with Grace all along-she will always be my mother.

Speaking of my mother, Carla tried to reach out to me last month and make amends. Apparently she was sitting in some doctor's office, and saw an old copy of a gossip rag on the table, and our divorce was on the front page. She wanted to call and talk to me, since she "knew how it felt to be divorced" and felt that we could repair our relationship since we now had something in common. Since she didn't have my new phone number she called my dad, who just happened to be visiting us for the weekend. When I refused to talk to her, my dad respected my wishes and ended the conversation, asking her to not contact me again. He also didn't say anything about our upcoming wedding either.

It's time.

I am now standing at the back of the garden at the B&B with my dad, waiting for Ava, Kate, and Jason to take their places at the altar; then my dad and I begin to slowly walk down aisle, and I can't keep from smiling; I am so happy. Luke looks so handsome in his suit, and the smile on his face tells me how happy he is and how much he loves me.

When we get the altar, my dad smiles and kisses me on the cheek, telling me he loves me and I take my place next to Luke, ready to begin our new life together.

 **4 years later**

I'm standing in the airport in Portland with my daughter in my arms and holding my son's hand as we wait for Luke to arrive. He has been in Washington DC for the past 2 weeks at a cyber security seminar for the FBI, and the kids and I wanted to surprise him and pick him up instead of waiting for him to drive home later tonight.

We have been blessed with 2 beautiful children. Our son, Matthew Raymond Sawyer was born 1 week late after a long 20 hours of labor. I was exhausted, but when Dr. Greene put my little bundle of joy in my arms I forgot about everything I had gone through. He is the exact image of his father—blonde hair and blue eyes. Luke was in the delivery room with me the entire time and Dr. Greene had him cut the umbilical cord. I will never forget the look of pride on his face as he held his son for the first time.

Our daughter came along 2 years later, and we named her Melissa Katherine Sawyer, after Luke's little sister, who was killed in a car accident when she was 16, and her Godmother, Kate. Luke almost had to deliver her. I had the world's fastest labor with Melissa, and Luke barely got me to the hospital in time. He had just gotten his scrubs on and rushed into the delivery room when she made her appearance. She is my mini-me—brown hair and blue eyes, and she has her daddy wrapped around her little pinkie.

2 toddlers, 2 years apart keeps me on my feet. I am now a full time mom until the kids start school. I thought I could work part time but that just didn't work. I refused to hire a nanny to take care of our children, so I will wait until they are older before I start back to work, or maybe I'll write a book. I haven't made up my mind.

My son's excited voice pulls me out of my thoughts, and I see my handsome husband walking towards us, a broad smile on his face. I let go of Matthew's and he runs to his dad, yelling "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" and Luke bends down and scoops him up in his arms, hugging and kissing him. As he gets closer to us and Melissa sees him she starts wiggling in my arms and reaches out to her daddy to hold her. Her little voice squeals in delight as he takes her in his arms and blows raspberries on her neck and kisses her chubby cheeks. He leans over and kisses me, and I smile and tell him welcome home. He holds Melissa in one arm and carries his bag in his other hand, and I hold Matthew's hand as we walk out to the waiting car service to take us to the hotel where we are staying tonight. Once I quit working we decided to get rid of the apartment we kept in Vancouver. Luke rarely has to stay overnight anymore, and if he does he gets a hotel for the night or stays with Jason and Gail.

We pile in the car and head to the Fairmont for the night, and will drive home tomorrow. We order room service and manage to get the kids to sleep shortly after dinner and their baths.

I take a quick shower and put on some sexy lingerie and wait for Luke to come to bed. When he walks in the bedroom and sees what I'm wearing, he gives me a wicked smile before stripping off his clothes and climbing into bed with me.

"I have missed you, Mrs. Sawyer. "

 **CPOV same day**

One more stop and I can finally go home. I've been in Taiwan for the last 2 weeks, then 3 days in New York, and now Portland. I hate coming here—it brings back horrible memories, so I usually make Ros handle any business we have down here, but she has meetings all day and couldn't take the time to come down for the day. I am walking through the airport on my way to the car when I see a mane of long brown hair that stops me in my tracks.

Fuck. It's Ana. I haven't seen her since she walked out of Dr. Martensen's office years ago. She takes my breath away. She is beautiful. I just stand there staring, taking in her beauty. Only after a few minutes do I realize she is holding a beautiful little girl in her arms—it must be her daughter because she looks just like Ana. What a beautiful site, mother and daughter. I cannot tear my eyes from her. I stand behind a pillar so she doesn't see me staring at her. Just then I see and hear a little boy running across the room, shouting "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy" and I follow him as he runs right into his father's arms. Luke. His son. Ana's son. Their son.

He picks up his son and hugs him and kisses his cheek. They are both smiling. He walks towards Ana and her daughter reaches out for him and I can hear laughter from her as Luke blows on her neck and she wraps her tiny arms around his neck and kisses him back. Then he leans in and kisses Ana. My Ana. I just stand there, staring as this beautiful scene unfolds in front of me. I see the love they have for their children; the love those children have for their parents, and the love their parents have for each other. I watch as they walk out of the airport. Together. A family. Their family.

That should be MY family. That should be MY son, calling ME Daddy. That should be MY daughter, giggling, and hugging ME. Ana should be MY wife, kissing ME, and it should MY family walking out the door with ME.

But it's not. I fucked it all up. I realize now just how much I lost. I not only lost Ana, but I lost the chance to have THAT—a family that loves me unconditionally. I want that now. It's not too late. I can have that with my wife.

Except she doesn't want kids. We agreed to not have kids. Neither of us wanted them when we got married. But if I can change, I'm sure she can. I'll tell her I have changed my mind, and have my vasectomy reversed. We can have our own family.

 **CPOV 1 month later.**

It's been a month since I saw Ana. I wanted to see if the my new found feelings about having kids would go away- if it was just a reaction to seeing Ana and her kids, but after a month the desire to have kids was still there, so I decided to sit down and discuss it with Meredith. She was not receptive to the idea at all. She pointed out that we agreed to not have kids before we got married, and she wanted to know what changed my mind. I didn't know what to tell her; I couldn't tell her it was because I saw Ana, so I lied and told her it had been on my mind for a while, after seeing Ava and EJ with Kate and Elliot, and the fact that Kate was pregnant again. I told her it made me realized what we were missing by not having kids.

She told me that having kids was not an option. She did not want them, and wouldn't change her mind. I told her to think about it, and I would change the pre nup if she would agree. That made matters worse. She stormed out of the house and stayed with her sister for a few days before coming back. I thought if she had time to think about it more she would come around to the idea, but she didn't. For the next month I kept pushing the issue with her, and I finally pushed her over the edge. I came home from work one day and she was gone. There was a note on my dresser, along with her wedding and engagement rings. It was Deja-vu…just like when Ana moved out and left her rings on my dresser. Meredith's clothes and personal things were gone too. As I was standing in the bedroom, reading her note Reynolds knocked on the door and told me there was someone here to see me.

I walked into the great room and a man I have never seen walked up to me "Are you Christian Grey?" he asked.

"Yes I am. Who are you?"

He hands me an envelope and says "You've been served" and walks to the elevator.


End file.
